Remembering Me
by DeborahSloane
Summary: After their time aboard the Odyssey was forgotten life went back to normal. However, a trip to the coffee shop soon unravels a series of events that can never be forgotten. D/V Rated K. Flashbacks from 'Unending'.
1. Life is short

**Author's Note: Italics are flashbacks. Thanks for reading! Please review!**

**  
Disclaimer: We don't own Stargate. (We, being WillowEchoRiver and me.)**

Vala searched for a comfortable chair as she waited for Daniel to bring their coffee's over. She had convinced him to drive her to the cute coffee shop: Caribou Coffee. She had only been there twice, but was hoping to go again. They had returned from their 'adventure' or not-so-adventure on to Odyssey over three months ago and they had been getting back to life. Teal'c hadn't said a word since their return and Vala had all but given up hope that he ever would tell them what had happened on that ship. Still, she wondered...

"Here you go." Daniel said setting her coffee cup down in front of her and sitting in the chair opposite her.

"Thanks!" She said, cheerfully, taking a sip out of the coffee cup. After she did, she looked at the simple plastic cup, and read some words at the bottom of the cup, "Life is short," She read out loud, curiously. "Life is short, so stay awake for it.' How very interesting." She said, but suddenly she stopped and looked distant. "Life is short..." She broke off.

_Suddenly, she was sitting on the Odyssey, in what seemed to be Daniel's quarters. He was pacing back in forth in front of her, "I guess no matter what you do, at the end of the day life is too short." He was saying._

_And she had somehow taken this as encouragement. She had done what Vala does and had flirted and made Daniel intensely uncomfortable. He took it as a game to her, but it wasn't. She did love him. But she had never known how to say so, how could she? She'd never been able to love before, she had never felt this way. She had said 'I love you' so many times, but every time had been a lie. And the one time she was in love, she couldn't say it. Why?_

__

And suddenly he was angry, his words were harsh and cut through her as he spoke them. She turned her back on him so he would not see her tears. Let him think what he wanted about her character, she would not let him see her tears if she could help it.

After what had seemed an eternity of torture, his rant had ended and he had realized how deeply his words had cut into her. He realized he had hurt her. He realized she loved him.

And it seemed he realized he loved her too.

He kissed her.  


The flashback ended there, she knew all of this hadn't taken place, how could it have? But she remembered every word so clearly. As if she was receiving memories from another her. But she had felt all the feelings so clearly. She didn't understand what was going on, but the main thing that registered with her was those words, 'life is too short' and she realized that despite the hurt, good things had come from those words.

Though the face before her seemed to be oblivious to what had just taken place, somewhere deep inside her she felt a deeper connection then she ever had before. The blue eyes seemed to encompasses her and she was caught up in the moment-- well, her moment and she did the only thing that seemed to match her feeling. She kissed him.

Daniel freaked, which wasn't really very surprising. He pushed her away from him and stared at her like she'd gone completely insane. "What is wrong with you?!" He asked, still freaking out.

She pulled back suddenly drawn back into reality. Her heart ached as she realized he didn't love her.

Daniel just shook his head, frustration and anger written all over his face. He grabbed his jacket and got to his feet. "We're leaving." He muttered.

"What? Why? I didn't even finish my coffee!" She said, grabbing her jacket and quickly following him out, quite upset and flustered.

"What? Are you kidding?" Vala asked, hands on hips.

As Vala walked to the car door and opened it up, Daniel said, "No." His voice was low and he sounded angry.

"What? I can't walk to the base!" She objected, not understanding why he was telling her not to get into the car.

"I know, but you have to sit in the back. I don't trust you."

"If you wanted me to let you anywhere near me you shouldn't have kissed me." Was all he said in response as he climbed into the drivers seat.

"Fine, but I get to sing then." She said, indignantly. Trying to cover up the fact that she was a bit upset over what had passed.

After they had been driving for a full minute in silence Vala burst out, "Mr. Sun, Sun, MR GOLDEN SUN!!! PLEASE SHINE DOWN ON ME!!!! --"

"STOP! Or I'll get a restraining order!" Daniel told her, with a very annoyed look on his face.

Vala sat in silence. She'd been ready to argue, but she knew it would only make him more frustrated. "I'm sorry. I didn't think." Vala said after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah, well, thinking doesn't seem to be your strong point." Daniel muttered.

That hurt. Vala wasn't quite sure why, though. Many times he had made comebacks such as the one he had just said, but this one cut her somewhere deep inside and seemed to be ripped her heart apart.

That hurt. Vala wasn't quite sure why, though. Many times he had made comebacks such as the one he had just said, but this one cut her somewhere deep inside and seemed to be ripped her heart apart.

Daniel was not aware of the effect his words had had on Vala. If he had he might have felt bad about it. But right now he was too busy being annoyed at what had happened when he had agreed to take her to get coffee. He was very angry, mostly because she hadn't done something like this for such a long time. He was sure to her it was just a joke, but she'd sort of laid off the flirtatiousness lately, and for it to return it was very frustrating. He didn't know why it bothered him so much, but the idea of being the butt of her jokes wasn't appealing at all.

"I'm sorry, Daniel. I truly am." She didn't like him being mad at her. The feeling was stronger than ever before. Normally she would just shrug it off...

He looked at her in the rear view mirror, and was surprised to see a slightly sad expression on her face. A little bit of the annoyance disappeared, but only a little. "Why did you do it?" He asked, a little bit more gently.

She wasn't exactly sure what had compelled her to do it, but the odd 'memory' hardly seemed like something she wanted to mention. He might think it was one of her deluded dreams, and it wasn't so there was no point in telling him.

This, of course, caused him to be annoyed again because she hadn't answered him. Which made him figure she didn't have a good reason. He gave an annoyed sigh and dropped the conversation.

When the arrived back on base, Vala silently grabbed her still full cup of coffee and jumped out of the car heading to her room. The weird feeling that she had been hurt by someone more important to her than even a best friend remained.

When the arrived back on base, Vala silently grabbed her still full

cup of coffee and jumped out of the car heading to her room. The weird feeling that she had been hurt by someone more important to her than even a best friend remained. She hated the feeling, and tried to think of other things. But she couldn't. In her memory she had loved him...She had been able to acknowledge that feeling. That she was in love with him. She had never even let the thought occur to her, because it was far too frightening to her to fall in love. But what was this 'memory' and why were those feelings so clear? She couldn't understand any of it. But even with all of that, the feeling that was sticking the most was her hurt. She had been stupid to kiss him, but his rejection of her hurt. But why hadn't she expected it?

The thoughts were too much for her. She felt more than just a general attraction to him, even though he was her best friend.

The thoughts were too much for her. She felt more than just a general attraction to him, even though he was her best friend.

But where had it come from? What was that memory? Was it her hopes rising to the surface suddenly? She couldn't say. It was all so very wrong. She could not love him, could she? But if she didn't love him, then why did his words cause her so much pain? Why did his rejection hurt?

She laid down on her bed, hoping to get a little bit of sleep. Sure that she would forget all of this when she awoke, and would laugh at herself for fancying herself in love with Daniel Jackson.

But her last coherent thought before she slipped into oblivion was how he was lovely to her even when he was angry. She asked herself 'why' and then she was asleep.


	2. Stay awake for it

**Author's Note: Written by WillowEchoRiver and me. =)**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

Vala had merely been sitting in her room, and had had another flashback. But could they really be flashbacks if she'd never lived these events? She didn't really know what was happening, but she rather enjoyed her flashbacks. She could live in a fantasy world, were the man she had finally had to admit to herself that she loved, loved her too.

_She was filled with frustration as she sat there stabbing a fork into her tasteless food. They'd been on the Oddysey for a year that day, and she had begun to lose hope. She was sure they would never leave that ship. "I hate this ship! You can't imagine how much I hate this ship!" She said, frustration written all over her face. _

_Daniel, who was sitting next to her, only gave a small smile. "Do you? It's not all bad." He hated it quite a lot too, but he was trying to encourage her._

_"Oh really? I beg to differ." She said, rolling her eyes and stabbing her food once again with her fork. "What could possibly be good about be stuck here?" She asked, hopelessly. _

_"I never would have been able to tell you I loved you, if we weren't here." He said, as he put a gentle arm around her._

_This was a great comfort, but it didn't heal everything that was hurting inside of her. It was very comforting, though, that could not be denied._

_"I just want to go home." She moaned, as she leaned into his shoulder._

_"I know. I do too. One day."_

_"No, we'll never be able to."_

_"Then this is our life, and we need to live it like it is." Daniel said, hugging her._

Though the 'memory' had been a bittersweet one, the sweetness was all that stuck with Vala afterward. The sweetness of his comfort, the comfort she would never receive from him in real life. She'd almost trade places with the Vala stuck on board the Odyssey.

She tossed in her 'sleep' and rolled over. She was drawn into another memory...

_She was wearing a Birthday hat, or more like a Birthday crown, and her bestest friends in world were surrounding her._

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR VALA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. (And many MANY more on channel... Odyssey"

Her friends, being as wonderful as all of them were, were doing their best to make her have a good day. Though life had been a little more than dull, she had refreshing friends to make her feel special on this day. She was sitting on her honey's lap reading a birthday card. After she blew out the candles and they were all stuffed with birthday cake, Vala stood up to do the dishes. It was her night and she was stacking plates and taking them to the kitchen. It was a girls night for dishes so Sam was supposed to be right behind her. She had already started running the water and plugged up the sink and rinsing the dishes. She heard the door open and said, "You know, It's funny to think that we probably would have gone shopping if we weren't stuck here." Vala said smiling as she scrubbed the dishes.

Strong arms wrapped around her and she smiled even wider. "Now, what would it we would be shopping for? Because, I don't shop for fun."

Vala smiled, "I take it your not Sam?"

"Am I really that girl-like?"

_"You shouldn't ask questions you don't want the answer too, darling." Vala said, turning around to face him with a big grin on her face._

"You'd think I'd have learned that by now." _He said with a smile, encircling her in her arms. _

_"Not me, I know you." Vala said, smiling. She leaned closer to him and..._

Vala awoke from her dream just then, and was sad to return to reality. She shook, unable to grasp what was happening to her. She knew she had seen that place before, it was oh-so familiar. Finally it hit her, it was the Odyssey. But she didn't understand, how could that have happened? Daniel and...her? No... Shaking the thoughts from herself, she cuddled up in the blankets and adjusted her pillows to make the bed seem fuller. Though it had never bugged her before, she now felt weird sleeping by herself in what seemed like a huge bed.

Suddenly she was in another memory.

_Everything was dark and all the lights were off. Vala was sitting on the floor next to Daniel, she was crying into his shoulder. She was upset because they had been stuck on the Odyssey for what felt like an eternity. Two years of eternity, at least. He held her close, doing his best to comfort. _

_He'd lost hope of getting home as well, so the only comforting words he could give her were these. "I'll always be here for you, Vala." He said, holding her close. _

_"Only because you don't have a choice." She sobbed, she wasn't used to being this emotional. But she'd grown...Emotionally fragile, over the past two years. _

_"You're right, I don't have a choice. But not because we're stuck on this ship. It's because I love you so much, that doing anything to hurt you would kill me. What would be the point in living?" He asked, as he held her close. _

_She kept crying, harder now. She let the tears run down her face in streams. "I want to go home." She whispered._

_He nodded in understanding and held her close._

"_Don't you?" She questioned._

"_No. I know where my home is. Home is where the heart is and my heart is right here. With you."_

Vala awoke, when she did tears were raining down just as hard as they had been in her dream. She felt ridiculous and tried to pull herself together, after all, why was she letting these memories of Daniel make her so incredibly miserable? A man hadn't made her cry since...Well, ever.

She tried to gain control of herself, but she couldn't. The tears kept falling, and she could only think of one thing that could get her any comfort. She tried to tell herself it was a bad idea, but she couldn't stop herself from getting to her feet and hurrying out of the room to Daniel's office.

*****

The sight that greeted Daniel at when he opened up the door to whoever knocked was one that pulled on his heart. Vala Mal Doran stood in front of him in her pajama shorts that had little pink teddy bears all over them and a pink tank-top, hugging a teddy bear with a blue bow to herself, her face drenched in tears and eyes red from crying.

He stared at her for a moment, quite surprised. But his face got a sad look on it as he took her hand and pulled her gently into his office. "Vala..." He said slowly, when he dared speak. "What's wrong?"

When she could finally speak from her wracking sobs she responded, "…Nightmares. I'm sorry."

He did something that surprised both of them, and pulled her into a hug. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine she was in her dream again.

His arms around her were so strong and comforting and she relaxed and the tears slowly stopped flowing and her sniffles slowed. When she finally pulled herself back into reality, she looked up into the confused eyes of Daniel Jackson.

After he was sure she was finished crying, he pulled away. Confused by the look in her eyes as she watched him intently. "You've...Never complained about nightmares before, has it happened a lot? I'm glad you came and told me." He truly was, after all, they were friends, right?

"No. It…just… After coffee today… I don't know, it's strange. Sorry to bug you." She said, pulling her teddy bear up and hugging it close. She had neglected him during her hug with Daniel.

"I already told you I'm glad you came." He said, and he meant it...Although he was feeling a little more awkward after their...Coffee trip was mentioned. "The dreams weren't because of that, were they?" He asked, worriedly and awkwardly at the same time.

Vala contemplated how she wanted to answer, playing with her bear until she finally said, "No, I don't think so. I just came back and fell asleep after that."

"Would you like to sit in here for a little while, while I work?" He offered, gently.

She nodded and sunk into a chair, sitting criss-crossed. Just watching him work seemed familiar to her and she wasn't sure why. Suddenly...

_She was sitting in a very comfortable chair, with a blanket draped around her shoulders and a cup of hot chocolate in her hand and a cup of coffee in her other hand. She yawned and leaned her head against her chair. "Daniel, are you done yet?" She questioned. He was in the room with all the Azgard text room. He was reading, not giving up hope of the value of information._

_"Darling, please, you can do this tomorrow." Vala pleaded, when he didn't answer her right away._

_"Sorry, honey, I'm finishing up." He said, but he didn't tear his eyes away from what he was looking at._

_She knew it would still be hours._

As Vala was drawn back into reality, she couldn't help but smile at how little they seemed to have changed in her memories…Well, except for the affectionate nicknames, _her_ affectionate nickname hadn't changed. But his had.

She smiled to herself, if her life was miserable from now on, at least she could have these flashbacks to cherish.

**A/N: Hey guys! We had a lot of fun writing all these memories! PLEASE review! We love them SO much! =)**


	3. Laced Fingers

**Authors' Note: Hey guys, this has story development in it, but it is still a TON of fluffyness. Sorry about all that if you don't enjoy it because if you don't then you probably don't want to read our story… Or you do and you just don't know it kind of like the way Daniel loves Vala, but he just doesn't know it. =) Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review. Be our first, pretty please? –pouts as both of us authors are wonderful at-**

**Disclaimer: No. We don't own this, and we probably shouldn't…**

The next day Vala pulled herself together for the briefing they had scheduled. As she entered the room, she took her usual place next to Daniel. He gave her a warm smile, but he still looked like he felt a little awkward around her, because of the coffee incident. On the other hand, he'd truly wanted to be a good friend to her when she'd had those nightmares. The will to help her had just been that of a friend, right? That's what he told himself.

They were sitting in the briefing listening to the General while Vala spun her chair back and fourth. Daniel sat next to her like usual. He was still worried about her and her nightmares, which she decided was a good thing that she could use to her advantage.

Suddenly, she wasn't hearing their instructions of their next mission, she was somewhere else...On the Odyssey, as she now knew.

_Sam was standing in front of them, apprising them of the situation while Vala was playing with Daniel's fingers beneath the table._

_"So if we were too...Um, Daniel, are you even listening?" Sam asked, frustrated as she stopped in mid sentence. "Daniel?!" She exclaimed once more._

"I'm listening Sam, I'm listening!" He said quickly.

"You would think after three years you two would be able to think about other things then just each other." She said, though sounding more amused then annoyed.

"I_ was listening." Vala said though still seemingly distracted. After holding a a very serious face she turned and looked at Daniel then burst out laughing._

Sam just shook her head, "I'll leave you two to be distracted by each other without me to...distract you." She looked amused, ready to be away from the two awkward lovebirds.

*****

Vala was ranting about something very little Daniel had done that had frustrated her way more then it should have, because she was a girl. "You can't just...Do that! Because...it bugs me! And it's not...It's annoying! And you shouldn't have."

Daniel just shook his head, looking a little bit amused, but understanding she was angry and trying not to show it. Trying very hard, and failing.

And there's nothing more annoying to a girl then when a guy thinks it's cute when she's angry.

"Stop smiling like that! Honestly." She gave an exasperated sigh. As if she was treated horribly, when really she was probably the one at fault. She was starting to smile a little though.

He just took her hand and said, "Let's go get some lunch."

"Don't think that will just make it all okay!" She argued, but it did.

*****

"Don't worry, I'll be here the whole time!" Vala declared, doing a circle in her roller skates.

"I'm not quite sure about this. Why are we doing this?" He questioned her, wobbling slightly on his own skates. He was only doing it because Vala had won a bet, this was his punishment. He was sure he was going to fall on his face. He hadn't skated since he was younger and wasn't sure he wanted to start now, but Vala seemed determined that they were going to skate together.

They made it down one hallway before he wasn't sure if he really wanted to anymore. "Vala..."

Vala looked at his expression of concentration and she smiled. She had been doing spins and twirls while he tried to skate in a straight line. "Here, darling." She said, reaching for his hand.

He accepted it and together the two skated through the halls.

*****

They had now been on the Odyssey for almost five years, it was still hard for them all, but they tried to make a life for themselves. Especially Daniel and Vala, who had gotten married a few years back. It was now their anniversary, and they tried to make it a happy occasion, even though sometimes it felt more like a bad thing that they were still on that ship.

Daniel was really working hard though to make sure Vala was happy. He cared more about her happiness then his own, and this didn't go unfelt by Vala. She loved him so much, and she was so grateful that someone as amazing as him loved her in return.

So, music was playing in the background as Daniel extended a hand to her.

She gave him a very confused look, but also looking a little bit amused. "What?" She asked, confusedly. Wondering if he was asking her what she thought he was. It would have been odd.

"Dance with me." He said, with a small grin.

Vala was really surprised that her guess had been correct. Daniel hadn't really danced in the past.

But she grinned, as she took his hand. "I would love too, darling." She said, with a small laugh as her husband held her close with one arm around her, and the other extended, holding her hand tightly.

******

"_Game night!" Vala declared bringing in a stack of games. _

"_I thought Tuesday's were game nights and Friday's were movie nights." Cam said, taking the stack from her._

"_Well it was until I deemed it unworthy. Actually, I told Daniel that if he wouldn't watch _Lost In Austen _with me. You know, it's about this girl who goes back in time to this popular period with these people in a book. What is it called… ah, Pride and Prejudice." Vala smiled, setting up the board for _Life_. _

"_Daniel watch a chick flick with you, huh? Cam asked with a smile while Sam walked in. "Why don't you watch it with Sam?" He questioned_

_Vala gave him an, 'Are you kidding?' look and asked Sam, "What color?"_

"_What happened to movie night?" She questioned, settling down into the chair next to Vala._

"_It's out until Daniel watches _Lost In Austen _with me." She repeated. _

"_But we just had our game night on Tuesday." Sam said, messing with the pieces Vala was setting up._

_Vala smacked her hands away and replied, "If you get Daniel to watch my movie with me then we can have our movie night. I promise."_

_They all exchanged glances with even Teal'c before all at once the rose and silently left the room. _

_Twenty minutes later Vala grew tired of being alone and ventured out to find her husband. She heard some noise down the hall and figured everyone was in that room. She felt a little bit hurt that they had just left her but tried not to let it show as she opened the door. The room was dark and the sound was from the TV as the opening title from _Lost In Austen _played. The couch was empty and no one was in the room. The only sound came from the TV. She was about to turn around when a blanket was draped around her shoulders. She turned to meet the eyes of Daniel. As he took her hand and led her to the couch to 'cuddle' she asked, "So, everyone wanted to have movie night, huh?"_

*****

_"I've decided something." Vala was telling Daniel one day. _

_"And what is that?" He asked her, smiling._

_"I'm glad we're here. At least for now." She said, cheerfully._

_He was definitely surprised, but presently so. "Really, huh?" He asked, sounding happy._

_"As long as I'm with you." She said, as she took his hand and laced her fingers with his._

The long flow of memories stopped suddenly, and the briefing was still going. No one seemed to notice any change in Vala. Every time memories like this came she fell more in love with Daniel. She felt like she was going to explode almost for all the love she felt that she was keeping inside of her. That she was still trying to deny.

But after those memories, it was hard to remember he was not _her_ Daniel, and that she was not _his _Vala. And that his hand was not hers to hold. She forgot, and so she reached for his hand and laced her fingers with his

Daniel stared at his hand for a second that had been sitting on the briefing room table and then realized what had happened and yanked his hand away and shot her a 'not now, Vala' look.

Vala's heart ached as she came into the realization that he didn't love her back. Through the midst of her memories, she had had felt all the love and emotions of years of being together while he thought she was 'messing with him.'

Vala's chair stopped swiveling back and forth as she turned it so that it faced away from Daniel. The problem was then that she was still visible to all the other members of the team, and she just wanted to cry.

"Excuse me, general. I really need to use the restroom." She said as cheerfully as she could manage, and hurrying out of the room before they could stop her. As soon as the door was closed behind her, she let the tears run down her face.

**A/N: Hey, please review! We can send you a fun reply!**


	4. On My Own

**Disclaimer: We don't own Stargate or the song in this chapter, it's "On my Own" from Les Miserables.**

**Author's Note: Italics in this Chapter are song lyrics, not flashbacks. Thanks!**

**Chapter Four,**

Their mission was in an hour and Vala felt like she was composed enough to endure the mission. She knew, however, she could not be more than a three feet in proximity to Daniel or she might burst out in tears again. She couldn't understand to beloved by one person and to feel it and see it and know it and to yet have the same person shatter your heart in two.

Vala wanted to avoid every form of conversation with Daniel, but he started it with her.

They were suiting up for their mission. "Hilarious, Vala. Really, really funny." He said, in a voice of sarcasm that made it very clear he wasn't amused. "What is up with you? I sort of hoped we were past this." His anger was evident, and she turned her back on him.

"If it bothers you so much, you shouldn't bring it up. " She tried to keep her voice calm, but it came out sounding more cold. Which just made Daniel more frustrated.

"Are you alright? Last night..."

Vala cut him off, "I'm fine Daniel. I just-- I'm sorry that I keep bugging you. I don't know what got into me in the briefing. But it sure is fun to see you squirm." She said trying to sound more like her usually self and pasting on a hollow smile.

Daniel just turned away, finished with the conversation, though anything less then satisfied.

Vala felt sick to her stomach with the emotional pain she was feeling. She wanted to skip the mission. She could just tell them she was ill…It would be so easy… But she couldn't run from Daniel forever so why make a habit of it now?

The five team members walked through the gate side by side, Vala as far away from Daniel as she could get-- on the other side of Sam. After arriving on the planet, Vala stuck with Sam and claimed that they needed to split up girls and guys except the guys insisted that one of the guys needed to go with the girls and Teal'c was more forced than voluntary about it.

The mission had been very uneventful for about the first half of it, and the two groups accidentally met up again, which bothered Vala because she didn't _really_ want to be with Daniel at that point. She couldn't bear it much anymore. One moment she forgot that he was not as in love with her as she was with him and the next he was getting angry at her for her 'flirtatiousness' but she wasn't flirting. She just loved him, and she was having a hard time distinguishing her flashbacks from reality. But there was no way he would understand this.

Every chance she got she would smile at him like they had some sort of secret except there would always be one problem. He didn't know the secret.

She would then, once more, realize where she was. That this Daniel wasn't the one that belonged to her. And she couldn't wait till she could forget again, when Daniel was far away, so that she could keep pretending.

"Vala." Daniel said, almost glaring at her.

Vala didn't want to say anything but looked at him.

"You don't have to do all of this, why can't we just be friends?" He said in a low voice so the others wouldn't hear.

"I am trying to be friends Daniel, maybe you shouldn't read into my behavior. You just want to imagine I'm flirting with you." She said, keeping her voice light as she could. This wasn't helping, of course, but it made her feel a bit better.

Vala continued this behavior until they returned home. When they finally got home she wanted to go straight to her room to go back to her own world.

_'And now I'm all alone again, nowhere to go no one to turn to,_ _and now I'm all alone again, nowhere to go no one to turn to, without a hope without a friend without a face to say hello too. And now the night is near, and I can make believe he's here.'_

Finally they were home, and she hurried to lock herself into her room. She laid down on her bed, hoping to slip into another flashback, but one didn't immediately come.

She closed her eyes tightly, picturing the images she'd already had flashbacks of, and hoping that would cause another, but it didn't. Instead, these happy images were just infected by the events of the day, and of the awareness that Daniel did not love her. That it was likely he never would. But what was this world on the Odyssey where they were in love? Where they were happily married? Where was _that_ happy couple. Vala wished she knew how to find that life. She'd gladly trade places with that Vala then to have her own life at that point.

After not being able to sleep Vala got up to wander around. Lights were still on, they were rarely turned off. But no one was roaming the halls and Vala suspected they were all in bed, where she should be. She wasn't sure how, but she thought of the movie nights, the roller skating, the birthday parties, and she was happy/ She forgot about her dilemma currently and for the first time since the coffee shop, if someone were to walk by, they would see her smile.

'_Sometimes I walk alone at night. When everybody else is sleeping. I think of him and then I'm happy. With the company I'm keeping. The city goes to bed. And I can live inside my head.'_

Since no new memories were coming to Vala, she relived the ones she'd already had as best as she could. And when she closed her eyes as she walked along, she could almost feel Daniel's hand in hers as she walked along. She could picture all these happy moments had really just happened to her, and she could imagine that at that very moment Daniel was looking for her as she wandered the halls of the SGC.

'_On my own, pretending he's beside me. All alone, I walk with him till morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me. And when I lose my way I close my eyes, and he has found me'_

Maybe Daniel wasn't looking for Vala, not at that moment. But he was thinking about her…He had gone home earlier than usual that evening, though still later then the majority of the team, so that he'd have to avoid any awkward conversations about his bad mood. For he was sure that Mitchell had spied the scene in the briefing room when Vala had taken his hand and was ready to tease him for it.

Daniel was unaware that Vala really did care for him, he thought this was just her own new way to amuse herself. That's why he told himself he was annoyed, because he wanted to be able to be friends without her rather offensive comments.

Why had she kissed him? Why had she taken his hand? Why was she giving him looks that he couldn't quite understand? And, worst of all, why did it frustrate him so much?

Though she was unsure exactly how this happened, Vala wondered outside and looked up at the trees and the stars and closed her eyes again. It was pouring rain and oddly enough all she could think about was Daniel standing beside her trying to keep her dry, even if he was failing.

'_In the rain the pavement shines like silver. All the lights are misty in the river. In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight. And all I see is him and me forever and forever.'_

Vala stood there for longer then she had realized, but the more she stood there pretending he was right there next to her, the more she became aware that he was not. And as these thoughts started to appear, the cold of the rain felt so much worse then it had before, and she hurried inside. Once more in pain, but still trying to cling to those happy memories she had, though she was unsure where they had come from.

'_And I know it's only in my mind. That I'm talking to myself and not to him, and although I know that he is blind, still I say, there's a way for us.'_

He wasn't there. He wouldn't comfort her or keep her dry and warm. He wouldn't do what he did in her 'memories' because he was his own person, not the one she was in love with, and though the two were in the same, he didn't love her.

'_I love him. But when the night is over. He is gone, the river's just a river. Without him the world around me changes. The trees are bare and everywhere. The streets are full of strangers'_

Vala hurried back to her room, no longer wanting to live in these memories, when all of these unpleasant thoughts invaded them. She dropped onto her bed, hoping to fall asleep quickly. She didn't want to pay this pain attention. She didn't want it. She wanted to be with Daniel. She wanted to live the life she was remembering. No, more than anything else, she wanted to forget that she loved him. She wanted to forget how weak Daniel Jackson made her. How very capable he was of breaking her heart, so easily, where no one had been able to before.

She loved him. And it killed her.

'_I love him. But every day I'm learning. All my life I've only been pretending. Without me his world will go on turning. A world that's full of happiness. That I have never known!'_

As she fell asleep, all she could think about was how much she loved him, and how much he was hurting her by not loving her in return.

'_I love him. I love him. I love him. But only on my own.'_


	5. Silence and Sneezing

**Authors' Note: Well, here it is. Chapter Five. =) Enjoy it and PLEASE review!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own this stuff.**

Vala woke up sneezing. She'd come in the night before, having felt depressed, and just plopped into bed without changing from her soaking wet clothes. And now she had a cold. She couldn't say she was exactly sorry, this was just an excuse to be able to stay in bed all day and be away from Daniel. Maybe she would have some more flashbacks, which would have been nice.

She picked up her phone and groggily told Sam why she would not be able to go on any missions today. She made the conversation as short as she could without worrying Sam.

"Is there anything I can do?" Sam asked, worriedly.

"No, I just really want to sleep." Vala said, her voice tired and hoarse.

"Okay, Vala, if you're sure. Call if you need something."

Vala thanked Sam, and then hung up the phone. Before burying her head in her pillow.

She sneezed and felt awful and questioned why she hadn't changed her clothes the night before. Though she felt so very weary, she knew she needed to change. She got up and quickly changed before curling herself back in bed with her pillows around her. As her mind slowly slipped away, her heart slipped into another memory…

_Vala was sitting with Daniel on the couch, he had a book propped open and she was leaning on his shoulder, every now and then trying to tear his attention away from his book so she could have it for herself._

_She looked over his shoulder at his book and read allowed, "Her child's name was Averettapalunche' goodness! Who would call their child that?" Vala exclaimed._

_"You have to understand the context of the literature, and the language, honey." Daniel said, with a small smile. He found it amusing when she randomly read lines from whatever he was reading. _

_"Well, I don't know the context or the language so I won't name my child Averettapalunche' if that's okay with you, darling?"_

_"That's fine, honey. Wouldn't want you to, anyhow." He said, before turning his attention back to his book._

_She was slightly annoyed and she pulled the book from his hands, "Do you have to read this right now?" She whined._

_"Vala, I love you, but last time you tried the same trick. Every time I pick up a book it's 'why do you have to read this _now_?' You'll have my attention soon, and we can talk about better names."_

_"Why can't we just talk now?" She questioned. _

_He gave her a look like, 'you know why'._

_She sighed, giving up, and laid her head down on his shoulder again, her hand resting on her stomach.  
_

When she woke she looked around, confused. She knew she needed to do something about the strange memories she was remembering but she wasn't sure she wanted to tell anyone. She hated feeling like she had lived another life and was now stuck in a life that was not her own. She knew she needed serious help for whatever was happening to her. But she wasn't sure she really wanted it. No matter how hard it was to feel like she had two lives, she found she liked the world in her flashbacks much better. She was dragged into another memory...

_The table was covered with hearts and chocolate was in a bowl and Vala popped some into her mouth when no one was looking. They were having there own valentines day dinner.  
_  
_Even though Mitchell, Sam, and Teal'c didn't have 'Valentines' they had agreed to celebrate anyway, because when you were stuck on a ship for years, any holiday was fun to have. But of course, Daniel and Vala were the ones who enjoyed said holiday the most._

"Ugh, I feel so fat." Vala complained, for about the millionth time grabbing another chocolate.

Everyone murmured, 'You're not fat' to appease her. If they didn't she got very emotional and they didn't like dealing with an emotional and pregnant Vala.

"I hope Averettapalunche' has better manners then Adria did." Vala said, as she ate some more chocolate.

"Averettapalunche?" Sam asked, doubtfully. Friends didn't let friends name their children terrible things.

Vala just laughed, "If Daniel doesn't discuss names with me soon, I'm gonna grow fond of Averettapalunche'."

"We're all going to hope he talks to you soon." Sam said, helping set the table.

Vala shot a glance to Daniel who was talking to Cam. "We'll see. Averettapalunche just seems to fit though, you know?" She asked with a wink to Sam.

Sam just looked amused, and decided it was best not to answer. They were all looking forward to the little child though, it would be nice to have someone new around on this ship, especially a child. It would be refreshing.

It wasn't long before they all sat down at the dinner table, and no one was surprised to see that all of the chocolate was gone. "Who ate it all?" Vala asked, with a small guilty grin.

"I'll go get more." Sam said, looking amused as she got to her feet and left the room.

"Vala, you have an addiction we need to work on." Daniel teased, looking just as amused as Sam did. Cam looked more annoyed then amused. He liked chocolate.

"It's not an addiction. It's a craving. Sam gave me these books to read and there is whole chapters on cravings and--"

"Vala, honey, no offense. But I don't want to hear what these books said." He said quickly.

"Are you afraid I'll make you uncomfortible, darling? Silly husband, you think you can avoid me making you feel awkward?"

No_, he thought to himself. He knew she found ways..._

Vala was back, lying in her bed and sneezing. Now, not only was she sad, but she desperately wanted chocolate.

She got out of bed and decided she would go to the commissionary and raid the food supply. She pulled the edges of a blanket around her and stuffed some tissues in her pocket and walked down the halls. Disappointingly, the only thing chocolate in the commissionary was some pudding that she didn't feel in the mood for.

It was chocolate nonetheless, though, and she decided it was better then nothing at all, but as she reached for it a hand caught hers and pulled it away from the pudding.

"What are you doing?" Daniel asked her, as he dropped her hand quickly.

"Getting pudding." She said, blowing her nose.

He picked up the pudding and handed it to her. "If you want something to eat, have someone get it for you, do you want everyone in the base to get sick?" He said, looking amused. "So do you need anything else?"

"More chocolate would be nice..."

He sighed and looked down, "What do you mean by more chocolate? More pudding?" He questioned, hoping that it was.

"No, like real chocolate." She said, sighing and looking down at her pathetic chocolate pudding.

"Do you want me to see if Sam has any?" He certainly did not have any.

"Oh no, don't bother Sam." She said.

"Maybe you should get back in bed." He suggested as she sneezed.

"No. I need chocolate before I can sleep." She insisted, though she was beginning to feel a bit dizzy.

Daniel hesitated a moment before sighing and saying, "Okay, fine, how about this. You go lay down, and I"ll go get you chocolate, okay?" He offered.

She gave him a very big smile. "You are my favorite person of the moment."

He just shook his head, but smiled a little.

She was about to turn to walk back to her room, when she felt very dizzy and fell forward, Daniel caught her, and suddenly she was in another memory...

_It was early in the morning, and Vala was feeling very ill. Of course it was only due to her pregnancy, but she felt awful and couldn't fall back to sleep._

He had an arm around her, in an attempt to comfort her. "It'll be fine. Just imagine his or her face looking up at you when the child is born. It'll be worth it, won't it?" He said, hoping to encourage her.

She nodded, tiredly. "I suppose so."

"Want to talk about names?" He said, very gently.

She smiled at him. "Yes."

When Vala woke up she was in her room and she smiled. She grew eager to know more and more about the life she had forgotten.

It wasn't long before she heard a knock on the door. "Can I come in?" It was Daniel.

She told him he could come in, and he did so, carrying a large box of chocolates in his hands. "Are you feeling alright? You fainted."

"Just a little cold. I'll be okay." She insisted smiling and accepting the chocolate.

"Are you sure?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about."

"Is there anything I can do?" He offered, sitting down next to her.

'Yeah, love me back.' She thought silently to herself but pasted on a smile, "No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna take a nap."

"Okay." He got to his feet, and patted her on the shoulder. "Have a nice rest."

"Thanks, Daniel." She said with a smile. But before she could say anything else she was dragged into another memory...

_Vala sat at a table by herself, She stared out the window at the yellow blast that seemed never to move. Maybe it was, but not quickly. She was so tired of being stuck on the ship. Every day she would pretend to have fun. Do something new to enjoy herself but it seemed so dull. She wished she could be back on earth._

Daniel came and sat next to her, he didn't say anything, he just put an arm around her and they say in silence for a moment.

_"I miss it too," was all he said as he held her close. "I want to tell you we'll get back, but I"m starting to think we won't."_

"I don't want my child to grow up on this ship. What a miserable life." She said, sounding sad and frustrated.

"It'll only be miserable if we let it be. They're are great people on this ship, Vala. Great people for our child to spend their life with. Even if we're not on earth, the baby will have a family."

"But they won't have friends."

One memory faded into another...

_Vala tied a bright pink bow around her waist and went to find Daniel, "Daniel." She called going through the hallways._

_She ran into Mitchell before she ran into Daniel and she smiled and waved even though she was less than a foot from him. "Have you seen Daniel?"_

_"Sorry, no. Why are you looking for him?" Mitchell questioned._

She grinned and pulled on the pink bow, "Little Averettapalanche is a girl." (spl on name?)

"Woah, big news , huh?"

"Yes." She grinned. "So I'm off!" She said twirling and wandering further through the hall. She found him helping Sam set the table for dinner.

"Guess what." She said, modeling off the pink bow. "If you don't guess correctly then I might cry. I'm emotionally unstable, you know." She said.

_"Well gee Vala, I don't know. What do pink bows indicate?" Daniel questioned as he came up from behind her as she was speaking to Sam. He smiling so that she knew he was joking._

__

She shrieked and ran into his arms, "She's a girl!"

**A/N: Please review! =) =) =)**


	6. Something Like Girl Talk

**Disclaimer: We don't own Stargate **

**Chapter Six,**

Vala couldnt handle it any longer. She thrust the covers off and went to find Sam. She padded into her lab and found her. "Sam" she called, sinking into the chair nearest to the door.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, looking up in concern.

"Oh Sam, I can't handle it anymore!" She cried, "I'm remembering these...These ridiculous, ridiculous things! I can't handle it anymore!"

"What is it?'' Sam questioned

"Daniel and I... we... Us...The Odyssey!"

Sam shut her computer and sat next to Vala "I see. What kind of things  
have you been remembering?''

Vala played with the edge of her sleeve so she wouldn't have to look at Sam. "You won't say anything to anyone, will you?" She asked, after a moment looking up.

"Of course not, Vala." Sam assured her, "Now what have you been remembering?" She prompted gently.

"All of us on the Odyssey...But...Well...Mostly Daniel and I."

"I see... Memories?" Sam questioned,

"Yes. I can feel all the bottled up love from years." She said sadly.

"Vala..." Sam hesitated. "Are you sure this isn't...I don't know... You see, some people, when they are facing something hard, or have faced hard things in the past...They put themselves into a world that doesn't really exist as a form of comfort, could that be what you're experiencing?" Same suggested, she couldn't think of any other explanation for what Vala was saying.

"No, it's the Odyssey. I know it'' Vala insisted.

"Vala, when would this have happened, though?" Sam asked, concerned about her friends...Mental state.

"You know.........Teal'c" Vala gave her a meaningful look.

"You don't think...You don't think it's the fifty years we were on the Odyssey? That's impossible, Vala."

"Why?" Vala questioned "Where would all these memories be from?''

"I don't know, Vala, other then what I've mentioned. But I think it's very unlikely that's what this is...How could you remember something that never technically happened?"

Vala shrugged, "But Sam...there is so much... I can remember all the sweet moments and struggling times and..." She wasn't sure she wanted to tell Sam about the baby.

"And you're sure this isn't because you're upset about your feelings for Daniel?" Sam questioned.

"Yes, Sam, I'm positive!" Vala insisted.

Sam thought for a moment, "Well, what do you want me to do for you?" She asked gently, not sure how she was supposed to help.

"I don't want to tell Daniel."

"Are you sure that might not help things?"

"You know he would just think I was making it all up so don't even pretend that he'd accept it or...embrace it." Vala replied, glancing down at the ground.

"Well, he never will until he knows. That's for sure." Sam reminded her.

"We aren't going to tell him." Vala said, looking Sam in the eye.

"No, I wouldn't do that, but I think you should." Sam patted her on the shoulder and got to her feet, shuffling through some papers on her desk, though without any reason to be. She just wasn't sure how to help her friend, and she felt she should be doing _something_ as she thought it through.

"I'm sorry. But it started at the coffee shop a few days ago..."

"What happened at the coffee shop?" Sam asked, eager to learn more about the situation so she could make an attempt to help Vala.

"I don't know. It was just something that coffee cup said. Something like...life is too short..." Vala said, as she thought it through.

Sam thought about this for a moment, "I don't know what to tell you, Vala." She said after a long silence.

She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest. "It's alright. I just don't know why I would be remembering these things. It's like my life there was... bittersweet. I didn't want to be stuck, but Sam... I got to be with Daniel. I mean, I know it's not a secret that I...he... yeah. But he is obviously blind." She said after a pause.

"He would be less blind if you told him." Sam said gently, only trying to help her friend.

Vala sighed, "It's not that simple!" She said.

"Vala," Sam said slowly, putting a hand on her friend's shoulder. "It's all going to be fine." Suddenly Vala was in another memory...

_Daniel was holding tightly to Vala's hand, and Sam was saying gently, "It's all going to be fine..."_ _Though Vala certainly didn't feel fine._

_But only a few moments later, Vala was holding a small baby girl in her arms, "Oh she is lovely, isn't she, darling?" Vala said, as she looked over at Daniel._

"She's gorgeous, honey." Daniel said, leaning forward to give Vala a quick kiss, and then to give his daughter a kiss on the forehead.

Vala stared in awe of the little angel she was holding, she couldn't even believe it. "She's too beautiful not to have friends, Daniel." Vala said, looking over at Daniel teary-eyed.

"She's going to be perfectly happy, Vala." He told her, putting an arm around her. "But why is beauty a measurement on how much she deserves friends?" Daniel teased, trying to lighten the mood. This was a time for his wife to be happy, not in distress about the ship they were all stuck on.

"Well, how do you think I won all of your friendships?" Vala asked, laughing.

Daniel just smiled.

"What will you call her?" Mitchell asked, with a grin, a few minutes later when he was seeing the little girl for the first time. "I'm thinking you should call her Cameron, it's a girls name too, you know." He said, looking amused.

"A horrible one...It's a horrible guys name too." Vala said, just to provoke him. She actually thought it was a rather nice name. "No, we've decided on Enya Liberty."

The memory faded...

"Vala! Vala, are you okay?" Sam asked, worriedly.

A small smile crept across Vala's face as she thought of the memory. "I"m fine." She said, cheerfully.

"What was all... that about?" Sam questioned.

"Well..." Vala sighed. This memory was too cute not to share with Sam. "What do you think of the name Enya?"

"Um, I suppose it's nice..." Sam said confusedly. "Did you-Did you just remember something?"

Vala got up and spun around, "Oh Sam, this is why I don't _want _to stop remembering. If I do then I'll forget all the good times. Just because now is different doesn't mean I shouldn't know about this other life I could have lived... It feels like I _have_ lived it Sam. Oh, Enya was so beautiful."

"Vala...Who is Enya?" Sam asked, though she feared she might already know the answer. This might be more complicated then she thought.

"Enya is none other than my daughter."

Sam looked at Vala for a moment, thinking things through. "Vala...This isn't...Normal."

"I know, it's so much better though. I just.... I don't. You know what, I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick. I had a lot of coffee before I came in here." Vala said heading for the door, but she turned back "I'll come back, if that's okay"

"Of course." Sam said, pausing to think things through.


	7. Epitaph

Authors' note: Hello, it's WillowEchoRiver and me. Here is chapter seven. Again, italics are memories for anyone who forgot. =) PLEASE REVIEW!!!

**Disclaimer: We don't own it. =(**

Hardly a moment after Vala had gone, Daniel entered the room. "Hey Sam, can we talk?" He asked, seeming confused and distracted.

"Sure, I have a minute..." She said, after some hesitation. "Vala might--" She was about to say Vala would be back soon, but was interrupted.

"This is about Vala, actually." He told her, he sat down, but then got back to his feet and began pacing around the room.

"Well she--" Sam was saying when she got cut off again.

"She is driving me crazy, Sam. I don't know what's going on inside her head, but she has been doing the...strangest things lately. I mean, I thought we were past all the.... flirting. But apparently not. Somehow she convinced me to take her to get coffee the other day and she kissed me, Sam. She hasn't done that since....well..... She just doesn't do that. Not now. Especially not now that she's on our team." Daniel ranted, pacing back and fourth.

"Daniel, maybe she actually, genuinely feels.... something for you."

"You would know, wouldn't you? she tells you everything. I bet you even know why she's acting all weird. But I'm not buying it, Sam. She gives me these looks like... Well I don't even know. Like there is some secret between us but she's the only one who knows the secret!" He continued ranting.

Vala appeared at the doorway, unseen by either of them. She heard her name and stepped to the side of the door so she would be out of sight, as she closed her eyes and listened, every word cutting into her painfully.

"She randomly grabs my hand, and--I don't have the slightest idea what her problem is! I had begun to think that _finally_ she could have grown up enough to just be friends, but maybe that was just a phase. I don't know what's up with her! But I'm about to lose it, Sam! Really, I cannot stand her flirting for another minute! I really need her to stay away from me if she can't just...Act like a normal person." He said, frustrated as he continued to pace about the room.

"Daniel, I don't think you're being exactly fair--" Sam said, slowly.

"She kissed me, Sam! She kissed me!" Daniel repeated, frustration written all over her face.

"I heard you the first time, Daniel."

"I heard you the first time....." Vala knew that was familiar.....

_Enya was four years old and was as joyful as she had ever been. Vala was playing hide and seek with her and she ducked into a room down the hallway. When she heard Enya's footsteps near she jumped out, causing Enya to be sent into sporadic giggles. Vala smiled and picked Enya up and spun her around. Enya's dark hair was in two braids. Vala laughed as she held her daughter close, "Should we go find daddy, Enya?" Vala asked her little girl, kissing her cheek._

_"Yes!" Enya said joyfully. Vala carried her down the hall and let her knock on the door. "Daddy. Open dis door, please." She shouted and banged again on the door. "Daddy--" The door opened to reveal Daniel, smiling "I heard you the first time!"_

Vala was back in the present and she heard Daniel say..."Can...I don't know, can you do _something_? Please?" He pleaded.

And she was spun into another memory...

_Vala had been learning to cook with some assistance from Cam who was actually a better cook than Sam or Daniel.. or even Teal'c. They had put water on the stove and let it start boiling. They were going to have some sort of soup or stew. Vala wasn't sure. She was just following instructions. Cam left, saying something about getting something from Sam. Vala shrugged it off and waited in the kitchen. She heard Daniel outside the door and she opened up the door. Enya hugged her then brushed past her into the kitchen. Vala smiled at Daniel and he embraced her. "Doing some more gourmet cooking with Cam, huh?" He questioned._

"Always, actually I was--" Vala was cut off but a splash followed but a screaming Enya. Vala turned around to see Enya had knocked the boiling pot of water onto herself.

_Vala muffled a scream, she didn't want to cause her daughter more fear. But every feeling in her was screaming. "Daniel, get the others!" Vala called, as she fell to her knees next to her daughter, dropping into the hot water but not even noticing the pain. She grabbed a dish towel and held her screaming daughter in her arms, doing anything she could to get it all off of her, while Daniel with a look of horror hurried away and returned with the others_.

_A few minutes_ _later, though, Enya's screamings quieted to small murmers. Daniel picked up his daughter, gently as he could, knowing that every touch must hurt her_, _and carried her to her bedroom._ _Vala followed him, horror and dread caused tears to well up in her eyes. _

_It was late that night, Vala was sitting by her child's bed, she hadn't left her side yet. Daniel was sitting with her, trying to cover his own fear so he could comfort her from hers. He squeezed her hand gently. "I'll be right back." He almost whispered, barely any words had been said since the accident._

_"Sam," He said to her, when he was outside the room. "Do you...Do you think she'll be alright?" Daniel asked, trembling. Vala could hear him outside the door._

Vala sobbed when she heard Sam's reply, "I don't know any more then you, Daniel, but..." Sam's voice trembled as well, they were all very fond of Enya, "But I think you need to be prepared."

"Can...I don't know, can you do something? Please?" Daniel was pleading with Sam.

Vala gasped as she was drawn back into her own world. She covered her mouth, trying not to let a sob escape her. However it did and Daniel and Sam turned towards the door to see her. She couldn't do anything but leave. She turned and walked away. Slowly at first, but as she got further away her steps quickened. If she had been in that memory any longer then she... No It couldn't have really happened. Enya couldn't have.... No. She wouldn't even think of it because it wasn't worth dwelling on. However she couldn't help the tears as they ran down her face. She made it to her room and pushed the door shut behind her, flopping down onto her bed, weary and full of sadness. She felt as though nothing could ever be the same, even if only in another life, if Enya hadn't made it...

_"No! You have to do something! She... she won't make it! You can tell! Look at her, we need medical help and we don't have it. We have to get home, she doesn't have much time!!!" Vala was screaming to Sam._

_  
"I'm sorry Vala, I can't--"_

"No!" Vala said trying to grab Sam and force her to find a way home. Before she could do anything she was pulled back and held by Daniel.

"Vala, go back to her. She needs you right now." He told her.

"What about you?" She questioned, sobbing, sorry that she had gotten mad at Sam.

"I'm coming with you." He told her.

She nodded and wiped her face. She didn't want her daughter, who may not be coherent enough to notice anyhow, to see her the way she was. Daniel took her hand and together the two went and sat next to Enya.

_When they arrived at the child's side, she only had a few more moments left. And when she was gone, Vala held tightly to Daniel and sobbed into his shoulder, he held her close, tears sliding down his own cheeks as he tried to hold himself together to help his wife._

Vala was drawn out of her memory, sobbing on her bed. But there was no Daniel to comfort _her._ Suddenly there was a knock on the door...

"Vala?" It was Sam. Vala gave her permission to enter and she did so, coming to sit next to her. "I'm sure Daniel didn't mean all of that, Vala..." Sam broke off, putting a hand on her shoulders as Vala sobbed.

"This isn't about Daniel." She cried.

"If this isn't about Daniel why are you sobbing so hard?" Sam asked her, trying to comfort her as best she could.

"Enya! She died, Sam! I know it didn't all really happen, but I could remember every memory, feel every feeling of her being my daughter. And she died!" Vala's sobbing grew harder, she wasn't normally like this, but her daughter had died.

Sam put an arm around Vala, trying to comfort her. When Vala had told her about Enya, she had been afraid of this...Because Sam was sure if this _was_ memories from the Odyssey, if Enya had still been alive she wouldn't have been left behind by Teal'c. Sam was sure.

"I'm just not going to dwell on it any more. Okay? I'm going to pretend like.... none of this happened!" Vala declared standing up.

"Are you sure--"

"Yes, I'm tired of this. At first it was wonderful and... But now I don't want to think about it at all. Okay? So don't say anything about it to anyone or me. None of that happened. This is my life-- that wasn't my life. So we're going to forget all of it."

Sam studied Vala and then decided that if they were going to forget it then they should because if they kept bringing it up unnecessary pain would be brought into the situation. "Okay, we'll drop it. But are you sure you won't have any more memories?"

"No, I can't be sure. But if I have any, then I won't pay attention to them." Vala said, calmed and more determined but still aching inside.

"Alright, Vala." Sam said, nodding and standing up. "Daniel thinks your upset at him, so, unless you are. Maybe you should talk to him."

Vala thought about it for a moment, "Hmm...That's a good idea. I'll just pretend I'm upset at Daniel. He was very rude." She said decisively.

"Vala, that's not--"

"I need this, Sam."

"Okay, it's your choice." Sam finally decided, backing off."

"Thank you, Sam."

**A/N: Hope you liked it, please review! =)**


	8. Forget Me

**A/N: Enjoy this! Sorry for the sadness we inflict on our readers! Have fun with this and please review! =)**

**Disclaimer:We don't own this, sad face.  
**

It was later that day, Vala was walking aimlessly through the halls of Stargate Command, trying to be angry at Daniel and forget about Enya, but it wasn't working. Every time she tried to push the thoughts to the back of her mind, another memory would come to her and one did just then...

_A month had passed, but Vala was far from okay. She was leaning against the wall of the ship tears streaming down her face at thoughts of her daughters horrific death. _  
_  
"Vala?" Sam asked as she approached her slowly, "Are you alright?"_

_Vala quickly wiped away her tears and forced a smile at Sam, "Perfectly."_

_"Vala--" Sam started, her voice concerned._

_"Really, I'm doing fine." Vala insisted, before Sam could finish._

_Sam decided Vala probably just wanted to be left alone. So she nodded and turned around._

One memory faded into the next...

_Vala was sitting alone on the floor in a dark room, sobbing and hugging her legs tightly to herself. She was always trying to act all collected around everyone else. But when she was all alone she fell apart...And yet, she wanted to be alone more then anything else. She hardly even let Daniel near her anymore. She avoided one on one moments with him more then anything else, because he was always trying to make sure she was okay. She knew he only had the best intentions, and that lately she had been completely rude to him, but all she wanted was to be left by herself. She didn't want to be comforted, when she was sure she could not be comforted. Her daughter had died. Her daughter had been killed in front of her eyes. How was she every supposed to be 'okay' again? How could any of them expect it?_

_It occurred to her that Daniel was feeling the exact same pain that she was, which made her feel only worse for treating him rudely. She was sure he needed her comfort as much as he tried to give her his. But she didn't want anything to do with comfort. She wanted to cry. She wanted to hate herself for letting her child near that kitchen. She wanted to be in bitter sorrow for the rest of her life. Because she couldn't see any hope of future happiness anyway._

The memory faded, and Vala was leaning slightly against the walls of the SGC as she walked, trying to keep her balance as she was thrown into memory after memory. Tears were streaming down her face as she stumbled down the hall.

_"No! Just--Stay away, no!" Vala cried, shrugging away from Daniel when he tried to hug her. He'd come in to find her, sitting and crying one day, and she was not happy about being found in such a miserable state._

_"Vala, please, this isn't how you should handle this! I know it's awful! You think I don't feel it too?" Daniel said, taking a step away from her to calm her down, but the pain was visible in his eyes at the rejection from his wife._

_"Really? You seem to be handling it just fine. Do you even care she's dead?" Vala shouted, without thinking about what she was saying. She instantly regretted her words, but she didn't apoligize._

_Daniel stared at her for a moment, his mouth hanging open slightly. Hurt and pain was in his eyes, but then it was clouded with anger. "Really? Did you really just say that to me?" He asked, his voice raising just a little. "You accused me of not caring that my daughter is dead? She _was_ my daughter, too, Vala! I loved her _just_ as much as you did! And you accuse me of not caring, but that's only because you won't let me close enough to even see how much _I'm_ hurting too!" Daniel gave up, turning towards the door and putting one hand on the door knob. Anger and hurt were going through him, his emotions changing between the two rapidly._

_Vala didn't say anything as he turned to go, but he paused. He looked at her again, the anger gone and was replaced with pain. "The worst part of this is, is that I lost my daughter, and now my wife is pushing me away too. What am I going to have left?" He said, his voice soft and sad, but he did not waver in his words._

_He turned to go, pain coursing through him, but he was stopped when he heard a loud sob escape Vala from behind him, as she grabbed hold of his arm, he looked back at her again and she threw her arms around him._

_"Oh Daniel," Vala cried, sobbing into his shoulder. "I love you," She said, her voice muffled from her face in his shoulder, but he understood quite clearly. "I love you so much...But...It hurts...It hurts so much that...Sometimes I can't even breath." She sobbed._

_Daniel held her tightly, kissing her gently and affectionately on the forehead. "I know how that feels, I'm feeling it too. But it will hurt a whole lot less if we face it together."_

_Vala and Daniel stood their, holding each other close, both feeling comforted by the presence of the other, and the memory faded..._

Vala leaned against the wall, she closed her eyes to keep from getting dizzy. She took a deep breath, straightened and opened her eyes. People glanced at her as they passed her in the hallway, their own questions going through their heads. She pasted on a smile to reassure them all that she was-- would be fine.

Her head was pounding, just begging her to dwell in her memories, but she wouldn't. She pushed the thoughts to the very back of her mind. Above her the SGC alarm went off followed by 'Unscheduled Off world Activation' over the intercom. Vala, being on SG1, headed for the control room. However, the loud alarm did nothing but make her headache worse. She arrived at the control room, battling her own mind to fight for control. Daniel arrived two seconds after her and his gaze lingered on her. She knew she must look awful. She had slept in her clothes and her face was still red from her crying episode earlier. She knew she he had reason enough to stare but for some reason she felt uncomfortable. She shrugged it off and looked ahead at the gate in front of her. The blue of the gate drew her in and pulled her unwillingly into a memory...

_She was sitting on one of the chairs in her room, staring at the blue wall in front of her. She was in Enya's old room. When she was born she had convinced everyone to help her pain it. Every wall was a different color. Blue, purple, green and orange. Staring at the wall now just brought back the memories of the good times she had with the rest of her team in this room. Now they more like a family than an SG team. It had been three years since Enya's death and this was the first time Vala had been able to bring herself to enter this room. She knew she was going to go crazy if they didn't find a way home. It had been more than 12 years since they had been stuck and she felt so hopeless._

Vala made an attempt to pull herself out of the memory, and surprisingly, it worked. She blinked and stared into the gate room, but without really seeing it. She put a hand on the wall and tried to lean against it as inconspicuously as possible. She didn't really want anyone to know what was wrong. As she watched to see who would come through the gate.

An SG team was returning. That was all. _'I can do this'_ Vala thought to herself. She wouldn't let the pain and hurt seep through and affect the perfectly happy life she had. Sam exchanged looks with her, silently asking how she was doing. Vala smiled the best reassuring smile she could muster and turned away before Sam could see the pain in her eyes. As the rest of SG1 was leaving, Vala lingered, she  
waited until they were gone to prevent memories from spurring on.

Daniel, however, stopped and glanced at her. He waited for her and then asked, when she didn't move, "Can we talk?"

Vala hesitated. Her head was spinning and she wasn't sure she could think of a clever excuse to get out a conversation with him. So after a moment's hesitation she nodded her acquiescence.

Daniel nodded, and motioned for her to follow him out of the room. She did so, but only after glancing over her shoulder at Sam, who was watching curiously. He led her to his office and motioned to a chair for her to sit in, but she opted to sit on the desk instead as he sat down in his own chair.

"We need to talk," Daniel said, after a moments pause.

"I thought we had already established that." Vala said slowly, trying to clear her mind of the memories. She was grateful that at this particular moment no more seemed to be emerging, but her headache remained.

"What's been up lately?" He said, calmly. Vala could see he'd worked really hard to get control of himself before he decided to talk, because he'd been off the wall when he'd talked to Sam about her.

"Life." Was her short and unhelpful answer.

"Vala, I just want to understand what's going on. I want to help you." He said, his voice a mix between trying to be gentle but also a bit frustrated.

"Thank you, but I don't really want your help." She tried to keep her voice cool. She _was_ supposed to be angry at him after all. Even though all she really wanted to do at that moment was run into his arms for comfort.

"If this is about what you heard me say to Sam--" Daniel began,

"You better save yourself trying to make excuses, I can't think of any good ones. So I won't be convinced." Vala said, she hated feeling like she had to be rude to him. But he thought she was flirting with him, and he was pushing her away, and now suddenly he wanted to be pals again? She didn't understand. She was torn between wanting the Daniel of her memories and not wanting the pain of them. She couldn't have it both ways.

"Vala, I wasn't going to make an excuse. I was going to apologize." He said, annoyed now.

"Oh. Thank you." Was all she could think to say.

"Please tell me what's up. Your not yourself, I'm _trying_ to clear things up between us." Daniel was almost ready to give up, she obviously didn't want to hear it.

Vala's head was pounding as she tried to concentrate on his words, her voice softened and she stopped trying to sound angrier then she was. "I'm struggling with something, Daniel, but it's nothing you should concern yourself over." She said, trying to sound composed, but her voice was more friendly now though still sad.

"What is it, Vala?" He asked gently.

Vala plastered on a fake smile and jumped to her feet, "I'm just so in love with you I can hardly even stand it." It was partly the truth, but he didn't have to know that.  
Daniel groaned, "Vala why do you do this? We were having a _nice _serious conversation and all of a sudden you change to...well, to outright flirting!"

"What? You don't think I could be....be...be capable of loving someone?" Vala questioned, aggravated by his response, though expecting it.

"I don't.... I don't know Vala. I'm sure you can love someone. But that someone-- you can't keep pretending that that person is me!" He said, almost yelling now.

"Well what if it is?" She questioned, crossing her arms.

"Vala. You can't be serious." He said, mirroring her actions by crossing his own arms.

Could she be? She knew in her memories-- no she wasn't going to think about that. "Oh you're so right, Daniel. I should just be a very serious person. Thanks for the tip, I'll be sure and remember that from now on. Oh, and I'm so sorry that I absolutely make you run up the walls. That's actually something 'd like to see. But no, I'll be fine. And... .thanks for the apology." She mocked standing up and leaving as quickly as she could. She didn't let the tears come. She forced herself to shut them off and not think about what had just occurred.

As she tried to forget about her previous conversation she was thrown into a whirlwind of a memory.

_"No, I'm not mad at you I'm just upset." She said to Daniel.  
_  
_"Why are you upset?" He questioned, concerned._

_"I just miss Enya, I promise that's all it is. I'm going to be fine. I've been fine for the past five years, haven't I?" She questioned._

_"Fine isn't the word I would use, Vala." He said._

_"Well you haven't exactly been all cheery." She commented._

_"It's been five years, Vala. We can't live our lives regretting the past. It hurt. But it doesn't change anything." Daniel said, with a sigh. He knew how hard it was._

_"I know all of this, Daniel." Vala replied impatiently. She really did love him, but she didn't know how he could expect_ _her to be all cheerful._

The memory faded and Vala felt sick to her stomach with the hurt she was feeling. She was so terrible to Daniel in these memories. She didn't like having to handle arguing with Daniel in the real world and in this world of memories. So she stopped on her way to her room and turned to go back to his office. She knocked on his door, she was answered by a frustrated voice, "Come in?"

"Hey." She said, as she stepped inside.

"What do you want, Vala?" Daniel said, without looking up. He looked angry and frustrated. He felt hurt and confused and upset, but he'd never let that show.

"I wanted to...To say..." She wanted to apologize, but apologies weren't her strongpoint. "I'm sorry..." She said, in an almost inaudible voice.

Daniel didn't answer, but Vala didn't think it was because he hadn't heard her.

Vala didn't know why she was doing it, she didn't know why she was saying what she did, but she almost couldn't help it. She wanted so badly to make things right, even if it might be awkward, she thought that complete honesty was the best way to do that.

She grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to his, and her voice was solemn as she said, "Daniel..."

Her voice was so serious that it caused Daniel to look up, "What?" His voice a monotone.

"When we talked a minute ago...You told me to stop pretending that the person I loved could be you..." Vala began, slowly. She was having second doubts, but once she started she couldn't really stop without raising questions. "But...I realized that I couldn't love anyone _except_ you. Daniel, I don't want to argue anymore, I've...had enough arguing." She said, thinking about both worlds she had a foot in. "There's always been too much arguing between us. That could stop...I love you, and I know that you love me...You _have _to love me..." That came out sounding a little prideful, but it was only under the conviction of the memories, and how much he loved her then. So how could he not in this world too? She doubted as soon as she said it though. "We could be happy." Was her conclusion.

She was sitting uncomfortably close to him and she reached out and touched his cheek.

Daniel grimaced, pulled away from her hand, and got to his feet. "Honestly, Vala..." His voice started soft but with every word he spoke next it began to raise. "It's not funny anymore, okay? Actually, it was never funny. And now it's less so. Why do you think you can toy with people, Vala? I really, honestly thought that you had grown up! And I'm sorry to see that I was wrong. But you can just give it up, because it's not working. It won't _ever_ work. You won't get me to fall for these tricks, and I know I must be some kind of challenge to you, because it's not working. But the extent of my care is friendship, Vala. And as your friend, I've never been more disappointed in you. You think you can just mess with people, and _try_ to hurt them. But it won't work on me, I really don't care, all your doing is pushing a friend away." His words were harsh, but he really wasn't at all aware of the pain he was inflicting. He thought her only purpose was to inflict pain on _him._

Vala couldn't believe she had just poured out her heart and had it crushed. She pulled back and said, "If that's what you think this is then I am sorry I ever said a word." With that she jumped up and swiftly left the room, not willing to turn back, look back, or even think about what was behind her. In more than one world she was shattered.

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	9. Now I Know

A/N:Hello all our lovely readers! Our next chapter is HERE!!! =) Yeah for memories, because it's memories galore in this chapter! =)

**Disclaimer: We don't own it, if we did when would the team have TIME for missions!? ;)**

Vala was so sick of not being able to control her memories. She was tired of being mad at Daniel and she hoped, somewhere, in her other life things had gotten better. With this hope in mind, she let her mind wander to memories...

_"Yes, I'm alright now. Yes, I miss her but I think that after ten years I need to give up this awful pain. Right?" Vala questioned sitting close to Daniel on the couch in what had become the 'family's own sort of living room. The rest of the team was sitting in there as well._

"We all miss her, Vala. She was the most wonderful girl and she was the only thing keeping us sane. I'm afraid we all went a little...." Sam began.

"Crazy after she died?" Vala asked solemnly and Sam nodded. She had hurt for so long but after a long conversation about remembering her fondly and not crying every time she was mentioned.

"Perhaps we should do something. A ten year memorial or something. Just to remember." Cam suggested.

Vala smiled and leaned against Daniel and looked up at him, "What do you think?" She asked.

He smiled and nodded. It was one of the first times she had smiled when they were talking about Enya. He would have agreed to anything.

"Good, it's all settled then." Vala said. She really was ready to stop being so depressed every day .She had hurt for so long that she was tired of hurting. She was tired of not being okay whenever someone asked her and she had to lie. They all knew she hadn't been alright anyhow.

The memory faded into another...  
_  
The change on the ship was dramatic, when they all decided that they couldn't waste any more of their lives on that ship wallowing in self pity. What good did it do? Of course, it was still very hard, with memories of Enya and the hopelessness of not being home. Vala had been sad her little girl had never seen earth, and Vala thought that she herself might not ever see it again. It was certainly not the life that all of them wanted, but they had to get used to it, they had to appreciate it. Because if they didn't, what else were they gonna do?_

_One day Vala was convincing, or attempting to convince, everyone to write a song with her. "Come on. It could be about the sun or the stars or being here or something. And Sam could play her awesome Cello!"_

"I'm no good at song writing." Cam told her, bouncing a ball up and down.

"Sure you are. What about that one song about the cow... or was it a dog.... It isn't really substantial. It could have been a cow-dog mutant for all I know, but it was named Ringo or something. That was a good song!" She said, trying to get a hold on the ball.

"I didn't write that song Vala! And how you heard it is beyond me, unless I sang it in my sleep...."

"Yeah, well, black mail you know.... years ago Sam told me about--"

"Oh no, not the home videos." Cam sighed.

"Home videos, you say? I like that. Maybe we could do home-- or Odyssey videos!!!"

_"Who would even _watch_ them." Cam asked her, shaking his head._

"Us, of course. Come on, it would be fun!" She insisted.

"Whatever your version of fun is, I think it involves humiliation and I also think with these views of 'fun' it is remarkable you got yourself a husband."

_"I had many, many options in my life, Mitchell. I could pick and choose, but I certainly chose the right fellow, haven't I?" She said, cheerfully._  
_  
"Stop there before you go all mushy on me."_

"_Okay, so you don't like my version of fun, but you use a word like 'mushy'? That's not even comprehendible!" Vala stated._

"_Lot's of people use the word mushy." Cam stated. "Such as, when they are talking about romance."_

"_And you would know this…?" Vala asked, but before he could answer to her teasing she added, "If you don't write a song with me or do an Odyssey video with me I'm gonna go all 'mushy' on you!" She declared, going off onto a rant of how her life had been full of 'mushy' romance. _

Vala smiled at the memory, then mentally shook herself so she would forget it. That didn't happen, in fact it just spurred her on into another memory which frustrated her beyond belief because she couldn't forget something that seemed like it was just happening.

"_Is the camera still running?" Sam questioned._

"_I don't know. Did we ever turn it on?" Vala asked, walking towards the camera._

"_I thought Daniel did."_

"_Who trusted Daniel with the camera? Honestly!" Vala shook her head trying to figure out whether it was on of not. _

"_I heard that. I'm standing right here." Daniel said._

_Vala glanced over at him, "I know."_

_"Great. Thanks."_ _Daniel said, though looking amused_, _he wasn't quite sure why he had even agreed to this, but it would be a way to pass the time at least. _

_"No problem, dearest, darling, sweet, love of my life, honey bunny, dearest most wonderful Daniel--" She was trying to_ irritate _Cam, and it worked._

_"Vala, you promised!"_

"_Oh, did I? I'm sorry, I must have forgotten. I mean, I just do that all the time. It's SO mushy, you know?" She mocked him, winking at Sam as if they had made up some plot to annoy Sam._

"_Do not get me involved in this! I had nothing to do with it!" Sam interjected before she was pulled in any farther. _

"_It has occurred to me that the video camera is currently operating. Do you wish for me to stop this?" Teal'c asked._

_They all burst into laughter._

Vala knew it would be a whole lot easier to just let her self relish in the memories. The good times now overpowered the bad. Perhaps if Daniel was a…. rude, mean…..she wasn't even sure all the insults she could inflict on someone she was in love with.

She sighed, and decided she needed some rest. She was still aching inside. Despite how much she loved Daniel, she couldn't excuse his behavior towards her. Certainly there had been at time when that might have been justified, but not when she had worked so hard to prove herself. No. He'd pushed back the truth that was right in front of him, and she didn't know why. Why did he force himself to believe she wasn't true in her words of love to him? Hadn't she proven herself worthy of some degree of trust?

She couldn't understand that she would pour our her heart only to get punched in the face by hurt. She was so done with 'feelings' that she couldn't handle it. There was so much she had had to deal with before she came to the SGC that it had been a nice change with people who believed her and actually cared about her. Sure, she had had to do some major remodeling of her nature but she had earned the trust of her team. At least she had thought she had. At least all of them except for Daniel.

She walked aimlessly through the halls. She knew they would have a briefing soon but wasn't sure if she felt up to going. She was still fighting the last bit of her cold and knew she wasn't 100% and probably wouldn't be cleared for a mission if there was even the slightest threat. That was okay with her, the farther away from Daniel she was the happier she would be. She was dragged into another memory...

_Vala, Daniel, Teal'c and Cam were all sitting listening as Sam spoke to them. They'd been on board the Odyssey for fifty long years, and Sam had just told them that she thought she had a way off. It seemed too good to be true, but it was also a little bit frightening.  
_  
_"Unless we re-route the power conduits through out the ship into the core…and…let the blast hit us…" Sam was saying,_

"The ship will explode…" Vala said, when Sam paused.

Sam nodded slightly, and went on, "Yes...But hopefully enough energy from the blast will be channelled into the core to allow it to activate a reverse time field before everything is totally destroyed…"

"But we'll be dead." Vala didn't fail to point out what appeared a flaw in the plan. Daniel took her hand.

_"If this works we'll only be dead for a few milliseconds and time within the bubble will reverse…and we won't be dead…and the ship won't be destroyed…" Sam sounded like she was trying to be encouraging, but Vala wasn't feeling much encouraged. Still, it would be better then being here, right?_

_The conversation was further discussed, small problems pointed out every now and then by different members of the team, untill they came to..._

_"I might be able to buy us a little more time, Maybe a minute…But…One of us is going to have to stay old." Sam told them,_

_A chorus of 'Oh's were repeated around the room._

_"We're talking about reversing time within the field, everything, our age, our memories, will be undone…"_

_"If this works we'll be doomed to repeat history," Daniel pointed out, and Vala couldn't help but glance over at him. None of this was sounding like it was going to work well. In the last fifty years she had sunken into hopelessness, and now the alternative was presented it didn't seem like a good idea. But she'd gotten to the point where it didn't matter anymore. Any risks had to be better then being stuck on this ship. Didn't it?_

_"Unless we can exclude someone from the field who can steer events in another direction." The person who insisted it be them was Teal'c. The others were thankful to their friend, but all of them wished that such a sacrificed didn't have to be made. _

The memory faded into another,

_  
Vala and Daniel were standing together, holding onto eachother's hands and looking into eachother's eyes. _

_Daniel's voice was gentle as he spoke to her, "I want you to know…even if you are gonna forget… That I wasn't with you all these years just because we were trapped on this ship… I was with you because-"_

_Vala didn't let him finish, because she knew what he was going to say, and because he had cared for her so well in all the hardships of their life together, that it no longer needed to be said. She smiled softly,"I know. and I want you to know that I-" _

_Daniel smiled at her, "I know."_

_Daniel held her close as the beam hit the ship. The explosion was frightening, but quick and relatively painless, and then all of it was gone. _

There the memories ended, and Vala was torn between relief and regret at it all.

That was it, the next thing after that was who she was and what she remembered now. As far as she was concerned, none of it had happened. But that had been in a span of 50 years, she had had it all thrust upon her within the span of a couple weeks. She wasn't sure what to do. She was so overwhelmed. One thought repeatedly crossed her mind. She finally gave in and went to the one person she hoped could help: Teal'c.

**A/N: PLEASE give us reviews! Also, in our last chapter we got awesome reviews but there was some cussing. We do NOT like cussing at all. In fact it's probably one of our pet peeves. If you're going to review PLEASE—NO cussing! We'd rather you not review than to review throwing cuss words out there. =) Thanks guys, we love you and we aren't trying to get on your case we just don't want to have to deal with it. Hope you all understand! =) Love you guys! **


	10. Dear Me

Authors' Note: Hope you are all enjoying this as much as we are. It seems we post a chapter a day, or close to it (or more!) =) Here is chapter ten!

**Disclaimer: WillowEchoRiver and DeborahSloane do not own Stargate as much as they wish and dream they did… minus the dreaming part. Can't say I've ever dreamt about it…**

Vala hurried to find Teal'c and when she did she was relieved, because she wasn't in the kind of mood to search the whole base.

"Oh, muscles, good!" Vala said in relief when she found Teal'c.

Teal'c nodded his acknowledgment of her.

"Can I talk to you?" Vala asked hopefully, collapsing in a chair.

"You may," Teal'c said, gently. "I should acknowledge that you have not been entirely yourself, ValaMaldoran."

"You noticed that, huh?" Vala asked, with a sigh.

"Indeed. We all noticed." Teal'c said, with an understanding nod. "Would I be correct in assuming it has something to do with DoctorDanielJackson?"

Vala shrugged. "Not entirely." She said slowly.

Teal'c raised in eyebrow in question, silently urging her to continue.

"Well, you see, I've been... Well. I've been remembering things. Certain things.... strange things! You see, I've been remembering events that haven't--shouldn't-- _couldn't _have happened. All of these memories have been of _years_ on the Odyssey. _Years_! I mean, the only case I could think of that _ever _happening was with you and... Well.... I've been remembering about Enya too." She said. While speaking she had stared down at her hands, forming her thoughts. But now she looked up into his eyes. "If I'm crazy, and you can't remember Enya then I'll be fine. I'll even get therapy if I need to. But if you do... please, tell me." Vala pleaded.

Teal'c was silent and looked away from her. He seemed to be remembering things forgotten. "It has been many years since I have heard that name spoken aloud."

Vala closed her eyes tightly for a moment, relieved it was not all in her head, but also horrified those awful things had occurred to her poor child. She opened her eyes again and sighed. "I don't know how it's possible that I remember, and I almost don't even care...But...Teal'c..." She broke off. "I needed to talk to someone...I've told Sam, I think she thinks I've lost it. And Daniel thinks I'm messing with him..." She sighed. "He hates me."

"I believe you are mistaken." Teal'c said, not going any further on the topic.

"Maybe in that other timeline where we were _stuck_ together he finally decided he could ever even think of giving me a second glance, but we're here and I tried talking to him and he thinks it's a joke, Teal'c. I can't even... think straight with everything that's been going on inside my head. How did this happen?" She asked.

Teal'c paused, wondering if he should tell her or not. "There was a chance, according to Colonel Carter, that you would be the most likely to remember any of the events while aboard the Odyssey. She stated that it would be due to your time being subject to Quetesh but she was uncertain. She said few things were likely to trigger any of the memories. It would have to be a large marker. If you would, ValaMalDoran, what was your first memory?" Teal'c questioned.

"And it's just between us?" Vala asked, a little embarrassed at what had brought on the memories. Her feelings for Daniel had assisted the coffee incident, no doubt.

"Of course, ValaMalDoran."

"Well, at the coffee shop the cup said something about 'Life is too short' and it brought on some memories of Daniel and..." She broke off, "And it's quite necessary to talk about this?" She asked, doubtfully.

"I would not purposely make you uncomfortable." Teal'c said, nodding.

Vala nodded then, and relayed all of the things that had been bringing on memories to Teal'c. After she'd gotten past the initial embarrassment, she found it comforting to speak to someone who _knew _what she was talking about.

Teal'c nodded listening to every word and not judging her. She loved that. "I do believe this is an appropriate time to give you this.'' Teal'c said handing her an envelope.

"What is it?'' she questioned turning the envelope over and weighing it in her hands.

"I was instructed to give this to you if this were to occur. Please read it" Teal'c urged.

Vala glanced down at the envelope once more, before slowly and carefully tearing it open. Inside she found this,

_Dear me,_

I have only just convinced Sam that she doesn't need to read this before I hand it over to Teal'c. She didn't want me to relay any information that could harm our future there on earth. I think it is all very silly, but I have given my word, and you know how hard we've worked to gain trust. I-You shouldn't betray it.  
All I can say is if your reading this, then what Sam feared has come true, and you've begun to have remember our time here, on the Odyssey.  
I have a pretty good idea of what your biggest concerns in all of it must be at this point; Enya, Daniel, and the boredom and pain of fifty years on board this ship. This ship, I must say, I loathe very much.

So, those three subjects are what I'll address, and leave the rest up to your memories. I am sure there have been good, if few, things you have remembered. It hasn't been all bad.

Let's talk about Enya. She was certainly a lovely child, wasn't she? I hate to forget her, but I love to as well. I love to forget the pain. I love to forget the hurt. But she was a wonderful girl, and I am thankful that she lives on in Teal'c's memory, at least. And perhaps now ours, too. If you don't remember Enya, you can skip this next paragraph. But If you have remembered our time here, I am almost positive that you remember her.

Don't think on her with too much pain. I wasted years of my life regretting it all. I regretted loosing her. I still regret loosing her. I'm not sure the others know this, but every month I would sit in her room. I would just sit there and think about her. How darling that little girl was. She was beautiful, and though her life was short, she was a happy girl. She was true to her name. She was a 'Little Fire' to us, which is what Enya means, as you know if your reading this. After being with the same people every day for such a long time (though it was nothing compared to how long we have been here) she was a refreshing soul in the midst of boredom. She shouldn't be remembered with sorrow. She was such a darling and happy girl that she would surely hate it. Whatever you do, I don't believe there is ever any reason to tell Daniel about Enya. Not even if things work out for you so happily as they did for me. He hurt so much for her. He hid it so well. For me. For us. He didn't want me to know how much he was hurting while trying to deal with my own pain. I used to sit for hours by myself, just crying. He might have thought he lost me. He may almost have. Daniel doesn't need that pain, he's had enough. Even if you have to tell him every other piece of information, save him that pain. Save him Enya's pain. Goodness knows he suffered enough from me in that time. And I guess that brings us to him, doesn't it?

I know how eager you--or me?-- will be to know what to do on his account, unless things have already worked out for you. In which case I will congratulate you for gaining the best man in the galaxy, and caution you never to hurt him (hence my note above). He is someone worth holding onto, the pain of losing him would be too unbearable. But if, as I suspect, things haven't worked out for you yet...What do I tell you? I don't know how Daniel's life would have unfolded on earth, as opposed to this ship. But what I can say, is that he is capable_ of loving you very much. Don't give up on him. In a million, million years (or maybe just 50, for me anyway) don't give up on him. He cares about you, whether or not he thinks of you romantically yet. He may be in denial about it, but he can love you so don't worry._

I do have more to say about Daniel, and I know you won't mind, because I know how much we love to talk about him...He's scared, I think. I mean, where you are right now he is scared. He's afraid he was wrong about you, so never give him any reason to doubt. He told me once that those words he spoke to me on that day, three months after we'd first been stuck on the Odyssey, --No doubt you remember that day,-- he told me that all of those things he'd said had been buried fears, and suddenly they hadn't been able to stay back any longer. But your--my-- tears proved something to him that day.

If he speaks harshly to you, on account of his fear, forgive him. If he rejects you, forgive him. He's your_ Daniel. He may not know it, but you know that you love him. IF you're brave enough (and I know you are because your me, aren't you?) talk to him. That's all it's really going to take. But be ready to forgive._

__

All I can say is I hope for yours and my sake that he'll learn to love you on earth as he did here. That leads me to my next and final point. 

_These fifty years...They have been the worst and the best of my life. It wasn't all bad. I"m not sure if you realize this just in your memories, but I had the affection of the person I care about the most. I had good friends. I had a family. But I was stuck._

You have those friends who formed a family with you, and you have that man --as a friend, if not more-- don't waste your life dreaming or dwelling in my life. Love them, love your life. Live your life, not mine. I have already lived my life and boy was it something. I never would have guessed my life would end up like this. Oh, but I have one more thing to tell you.

Because the truth is, for the first time,

__

We really have found our home.

Love, Odyssey's Vala.

Vala stared at the last sentence of the letter. Slowly she folded the letter up and placed it back in the envelope, then she looked back up at Teal'c who had stood quietly waiting for her to finish reading it. She had tears running down her face but Teal'c didn't seem to notice. "I do hope that you are provided with answers that you have searched for. That letter is yours to keep." He said, nodding slightly at her.

Vala nodded and reached her arms up around Teal'c, "Thank you Teal'c. I needed this. I still have one problem, but I'm sure you know what that is." She said releasing him and wiping the tears from her face.

"DoctorJackson, I presume." He responded.

She grinned, "Yeah, slight problem there. But as I-- she-- whoever stated, I have you guys and I know I need to live this life not her life."

"I think you have much reason to hope for your future, ValaMalDoran." Teal'c said, nodded.

Vala smiled, and was almost really happy for the first time since the memories had begun. She really did have a good life. What the other her had said had been right. She'd had all the good things the other her had, (with the exception of Daniel's affection, but she had his friendship) but she wasn't stuck. She had it pretty good, as far as she was concerned. But it still hurt.

Daniel entered the room only seconds later, he looked rather surprised and dismayed to find Vala there. He gave her only a slight nod before turning to Teal'c. "Hey, I was just wondering if you could help me with this translation." Daniel asked Teal'c, nearly ignoring Vala.

"I will certainly assist you, DoctorJackson." Teal'c said, glancing at Vala then giving Daniel a nod.

Vala took a step towards the door. "Thank you for everything, Teal'c. I'll see you later." She said, waving as she hurried from the room.

Daniel watched her leave and then turned back to Teal'c, "What was that about?"

"Have you noticed ValaMalDoran has not been herself recently?" Teal'c questioned.

Daniel nodded, "Yeah. I have." He said, sitting down. "Did she tell you what's up? She's driving me crazy."

Teal'c debated answering, before finally saying calmly. "She is aware of the agitation she is causing you, DanielJackson."

"Oh, she usually is!" Daniel said, exasperatedly. Sick of Vala's little games.

"Despite what you may think, I do not believe that she means to agitate you."

"Really? Then what do you 'believe' she means to do? She was telling me that she loved me earlier. She is going crazy, I'm sure. What _is _her problem?" Daniel questioned messing with his book he needed help with translating.

"Has it not occurred to you, DanielJackson, that she may really be in love with you?" Teal'c spoke slowly, only after considering whether or not he should say anything at all. His words were followed by quite the silence on both sides. Teal'c was patiently waiting for Daniel to speak first, and Daniel's mind was spinning as he thought about the question.

"No..." Daniel said, after a rather unnecessarily long pause. "No, that's stupid. I mean, no offense, but it's _Vala_ we're talking about."

"I cannot see how that changes the matter." Teal'c said, his voice calm as ever.

Daniel studied his face, "Are you playing some joke on me?" He questioned.

"I am not." Teal'c stated.

"Right.... you know what, lets work on this translation later." Daniel said, heading for the door. "Maybe you should.... get some rest... kelnoream... something...."

**A/N: Reviews?? Thanks you guys!**


	11. Faintly Remember

**Disclaimer: We (we, being WillowEchoRiver and I) do not own Stargate, though we've dreamt of it many times. Not **_**all**_** dreams come true, apparently. Hehe.**

**Chapter Eleven, Faintly Remember**

Daniel was grabbing a quick bite to eat, they were leaving for their next mission in less then two hours, and he didn't really feel like being low on energy while they were gone. It seemed like he wasn't the only one with that idea, because not long after he'd gotten there, Mitchell came in and sat next to him with a tray of food.

Daniel greeted him, but other then that they remained silent for a little bit. After a short pause, Cam asked Daniel, "So, what's up with your girl, Jackson?"

Daniel did his best not to react at the 'your girl' comment. "I don't know what you mean." Daniel said, though he was perfectly aware of what Mitchell was talking about. Apparently they had _all_ noticed Vala's strange behavior lately.

"Doesn't she usually sit by you in briefings?" Cam asked Daniel, his voice light but curious, and Daniel could even hear a slight concern in his voice.

The last thing Daniel felt like talking about was Vala. "Does she? Makes no difference to me." It was a bad lie and Cam didn't fall for it.

"Stop being an idiot, Jackson, and tell me what's up with Vala." Cam insisted, not in the mood for dealing with Daniel's behavior towards Vala just now.

"Look, you find out what's wrong with her lately, and you tell me. It beats me." Daniel said, as he hurriedly finished his food, grabbed his own tray, and hurried away. It was the truth, he didn't know what was up with Vala any more then Cam did, but his patience for Vala was gone, and he didn't even want to talk to Cam about her.

Cam sighed as he watched his friend walk away.

Later that afternoon the team was in the gateroom watching it dial up. Vala stood next to Sam listening to Mitchell discussing when he was a child and took a pig to a fair.

Vala listened quite interestedly, but when Cam got to a certain point in the story she interrupted him with a look of horror. "--Wait! Wait, wait, _wait_! You took the pig to the fair, it won, and you took it home and _ate_ him?" Vala asked, staring at Cam in disbelief.

"Vala, it was being judged on its size so it _could be eaten_."

"I could _never_ eat something that road in the same car as me!--" 

"It didn't--Oh never mind." Cam sighed as the finally chevron was encoded and the gate whooshed and was activated.

After they went through the gate Vala said, continuing their conversation, "I still don't understand how you could _eat _an animal that won you first prize! What was it, a green ribbon?"

"A blue ribbon, actually and I got a picture with Puffy the Pig before--"

"Enough!" Vala said.

Cam looked torn between amusement and annoyance. He wanted to finish the story! But as they were on a mission, they had more pressing concerns. The path that was in front of them split two ways.

"Alright, Sam, Teal'c, you come with me. Vala you go with Daniel." Cam instructed. Okay, so maybe his motives for making Vala and Daniel go together weren't _entirely_ pure.

Vala and Daniel exchanged glances and then looked back at Mitchell.

"You know, I was hoping to get a chance to go with Sam this time." Daniel said quickly.

"Yeah, and I wanted to hang out with you and Muscles." Vala added, after seeing how much he didn't want to split up with her.

Sam and Cam exchanged glances and reluctantly agreed.

Vala traveled down the path with Mitchell and Teal'c. They rounded the corner and entered a huge village. There was a gate at the front that must have been an entrance. However it was unguarded and opened right up so the three walked cautiously through the gate aware of their surroundings.

Meanwhile, Sam and Daniel were walking along through the trees. There was silence for the first five minutes of the walk, until finally Sam said slowly, "Daniel, what's going on?"

Daniel was confused for a moment, "What?"

"With Vala." Sam said,

"Sam, I've talked to you about this. Remember? I don't know _what's_ wrong with her--" Daniel began, but he was interrupted by Sam.

"--Oh no, I know what's going on with _her_." Sam acknowledged. "It's you I'm wondering about, you're pushing a friendship down the drain, Daniel."

"You know what's up with her?" He asked, ignoring the last part of the statement. "Care to tell me?"

"I can't." Sam said, she'd promised Vala. "But she has every reason to excuse her behavior, and as soon as you learn about it you're going to regret all of this that's been happening between you."

"She's messing with me Sam, she probably just told you some sob story." Daniel insisted.

Sam gave him a very stern look, "Daniel, I'm really surprised you could think so little of her. She's your friend, and you're being a bad one--"

"I'm not the one being a bad friend! I _tried_ to work things out, and she made up some excuse about being in love with me or something!" Daniel objected.

Sam looked at him with surprise. "She told you she was in love with you?" She asked, staring at him. "What did you do?"

"Yeah! I thought it was unbelievable too!" Daniel said at the look on her face. "I told her that I didn't think it was funny." He shrugged.

"You probably crushed her, Daniel." Were Sam's only words at his comment, her tone was sad and she looked deep in thought.

"What on earth?!" Daniel looked near angry now, the subject made him tense. "You're pinning this whole thing on me? _Me_, Sam?! You know Vala and--"

"Yeah, apparently I know her a lot better then you do, which is something I never thought I'd say."

Daniel was dumbfounded. "What?"

"It obviously hasn't occurred to you, so I'll just fill you in. If she told you that she was in love with you, then she meant it. I just didn't think she'd have the guts to say anything." Sam shook her head, "Oh Daniel..."

Daniel didn't say anything, he was filled with indignation and tried to convince himself she was wrong, because unless she was, then he had a lot of guilt to feel.

"Sam, even if she was, why would her behavior have changed?'' He questioned as he stepped over a few large rocks.

"I can't explain it, I'm sworn to secrecy. But what I can tell you is something you may notice if you open your eyes. She's hurting. She was before you told her that she was joking about loving you." Sam added  
in a sisterly sort of way.

Daniel felt a sick feeling begin to settle in his stomach. "Sam, did Vala _tell_ you she loves me? Or are you guessing?"

Sam wouldn't betray her friend's intelligence, but the look on her face was enough.

~*~*~*~

Vala thought the town look deserted. That or everyone was hiding. Suddenly she heard someone behind her and whirled around pointing her gun. She saw a woman who screamed. When she saw the woman she lowered her weapon.

"Enya! Inside!" The woman said hurriedly, scooping her daughter into her arms and hurrying into her home.

Vala was momentarily distracted, feeling sick at a reminder of _her_ Enya, who didn't look at all like the little girl the woman had spoken to, but the name was reminder enough.

Vala didn't see people from an enemy village coming up behind the team.

A scream of pain escaped Vala as she was shot, but Mitchell and Teal'c were too caught up in the fighting to hear as she was dragged away. 

~*~*~*~

Not long later, Mitchell radioed Daniel, "Jackson?" He asked,

"We're here, how is everything there?" Daniel asked Mitchell.

"Not so good, actually...There apparently is a war goin' on here and we got caught right up in it." He was delaying the bad news.

"Do you need backup--"

Sam interrupted, ''What are we talking about here Cam?"

"The fighting was pretty bad, guns and whatnot, but the battle is over." Cam answered Sam,

"So what's the plan?" Daniel asked him, over the radio.

"Well, there's more to it then that...They took Vala."

"What?'' Daniel almost shouted into the radio to make sure he had heard correctly.

"We were caught up in the fighting that we didn't notice until she was almost gone." Mitchell defended himself.

"You didn't _notice_ she was being taken by the _enemy_?" Daniel shot at Mitchell through the radio.

"Give it a rest, Jackson, if you were here you wouldn't have done any better. And even if you would have, it doesn't matter, because you _weren't _here, because you got caught up in a silly fight with your girlfriend!" Mitchell argued, not standing for being yelled at.

"She is not my girlfri--" Daniel began to argue, but Sam interrupted,

"Guys! This is not the most important thing right now! Now where should we meet you, Cam?"

"Go back and take the other path to this village. Were going to stay and help until you get here," Mitchell informed them.

Meanwhile Vala seared with pain from her wound. She wasn't sure how much blood she was loosing but it couldn't be good

Suddenly, she was filled with fear as someone entered the room. She wasn't sure what to do, so she waited for the person to say something.

"Do you think your village is going to come after you?"

Vala didn't turn around, the pain in her side seemed too much to bear. "My... Village? What? I don't even---"

"Shh! You will speak only when spoken to. Now, we have a lot of questions for you and if you don't answer them correctly then you will be killed." He answered. "Now, who is in charge of your village? We know that Merealoyn was in charge, but after his death no one has directed us on who to go to. I am sure you are very well aware of what is at stake--"

As he droned on Vala thought to herself, _What's at stake? Are you sure we're on the same page here? _She responded to his question, after he finally stopped talking, "I have no idea what you're talking about and I do NOT know who is in charge. Like I was trying to say--" She was cut off when she felt a sharp object slicing down her back. She screeched in pain.

"I said, you will only spoke when spoken _to_."

For what seemed like days could have been hours. It was dark in the cell she had been thrust into and she was sure will all the cuts, bone-breaks and wounds she had acquired she would surely be at risk of infection. Question after question that she couldn't answer only caused her more pain. She leaned heavily against the wall. She wasn't sure if she could lift her head, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to try in fear of spinal problems. Question after question, pain after pain, the only thing that ran through her head was one person: Daniel. She didn't understand how she could think of him now when she seemed so near death.

~*~*~*~

The team was going from door to door, drawing any information they could about the other village, in hopes of figuring out how to find Vala. No doubt she was terribly injured, and if they didn't find her soon bad things could happen.

Daniel knocked on the door of one of the small little homes, and it was answered by a young woman, "Can I help you?" She asked timidly, most likely still startled by the battle that had just occurred.

Before Daniel could even find his voice, a little girl ran past the woman, then past Daniel, eager to go play outside. The woman froze, "Excuse me." She hurried past Daniel and called, "Enya! Enya come back! It might not be safe." The woman managed to catch her daughter, but Daniel hardly noticed.

He was thrown into a series of memories. _Vala, Enya, Pain, Hurt, Fear, Hope, End._ A span of fifty years was spread across his mind in a matter of seconds, he couldn't even think, his mind was being lined up with memory after memory. Everything was falling, everything was spinning. Everything was...Nothing.

There was darkness as he collapsed on the ground.

The next thing he was aware of was staring up into Mitchell's face, "Hey, Sunshine, what happened there?" He questioned.

His head was pounding. "How long have I been out?"

"About an hour." Cam shrugged.

"A whole hour?! We need to find Vala! She could be--She could be!" All the feelings of fear he'd already felt for Vala was further intensified by the memories he didn't know where they'd come from. He felt things he knew he shouldn't feel, but he didn't want to search for an explanation yet. 

Mitchell nodded, "We found out where the other village is. We were just waiting for you to wake up."

"I believe you fainted, DanielJackson."

"I didn't _faint._ I passed out, okay?"

Teal'c just nodded his head slightly as if letting Daniel think what he wanted to.

"We have to go, now!" He said, sitting up quickly and grabbing his stuff.

Mitchell talked into his radio, "Sam, he's awake. Are you ready?"

Sam came over with a bit of a grin on her face. "You fainted, Daniel."

"I did _not_ faint, but who cares? We need to find Vala!" He said scrambling to his feet. He wasn't about to tell any of them what had happened. They would think he was crazy, and he'd had enough of that for a lifetime.

~*~*~*~

Vala was slipped in and out of consciousness. She heard a commotion from somewhere in her dark tunnel or a prison. She hoped it was someone that was there to help her but she couldn't be sure...

Suddenly SG1 burst into the room, Daniel fell to his knees on the ground beside Vala. She was mostly unconscious and was bleeding a lot. Daniel knew if they didn't get her home soon she might not make it. Daniel grabbed his bag and pulled out a bandage, wrapping it around where she'd gotten shot as best as he could. Then he scooped her into his arms and got to the feet. Her dead weight was hard for him to carry, but he was in fierce determination.

His mind was still on the memories he had just experienced. They'd been married? When? They'd had a little girl that died? When? He forced himself to believe it was all some kind of mistake. He couldn't love her, he didn't love her. Did he?

He tried clearing the thoughts from his mind and followed Cam out. They got back to the gate in record time and dialed it up. As soon as they got through Vala was pried from Daniel's arms and rushed to the infirmary. He heard them analyzing her as they left. It didn't sound good so he tuned them out. He heard Sam explain the situation to the General, briefly, telling him they needed to return to the village and at least try to help in some way.

The General nodded and called a debriefing in an hour. During that time Daniel put away his gear, the only thing he could think about was how Vala was doing and it bothered him. He pushed the thoughts away from his mind and decided it was okay to be a concerned friend and co-worker.

"Hey, Jackson, are you gonna be alright? Looking a little _faint _there." Mitchell said.

"I'm fine, and I didn't faint earlier. I passed out." Daniel replied.

"Sure, well, lets head down to the infirmary. I'm sure they're going to want to know why you "passed out" and I'm sure you want to see your girlfriend." He said, leading the way down the hallways at the SGC to the infirmary.

Daniel tuned him out. He didn't want to deal with a mocking Mitchell. And his mind was too out of it just then to even get too defensive over Mitchell calling Vala his 'girlfriend'. He was trying to sort out his thoughts, he didn't think it would be too good of an idea to tell anyone what had actually happened, so he decided to go with a story about not staying hydrated or something. He was trying to understand what all those memories had been, but he couldn't figure it out. He didn't even understand all the memories. They had all come so quickly it was hard to even sort them out enough to understand them, all he knew was that he would have felt really worried for Vala no matter what, but the memories made it somehow twice as bad.

"How is she?" Daniel asked Dr. Lam when they reached the infirmary.

"I think we need to worry about you, first, she's being taken care of. I heard you had a little incident. We should give you a check up."

"Tell me how Vala is, first."

"She's unconscious right now, Daniel." Dr. Lam said, instructing a nurse to check his blood pressure.

"But is she going to wake up soon?" He questioned.

"I can't say, not now. We're watching her and we're planning on taking her to surgery soon, once we know that she's completely stable and can handle surgery." Dr. Lam informed him.

The frustration Daniel was feeling at not knowing if Vala was going to be okay was quite evident to everyone else. And all he could think was that the last things he had said to her had not been very kind.

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading, guys! We absolutely love reviews!**


	12. Intervention

**Authors' Note: WillowEchoRiver and I have had an awesome time writing this! No, this isn't the end. Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please give us reviews! Critiques and opinions are awesome! =)**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Stargate. =(**

"So, what's up doc?" Mitchell questioned as Carolyn exited the infirmary, coming towards them.

Carolyn smiled a weary smile, "Jackson's fine. I'm not sure what happened, but he is fine now, possibly dehydration or missing a few meals. I'm pretty sure we all know how caught up he gets in his work and how often he forgets to eat. Probably why he fainted."

Mitchell smiled slightly; silently thanking her for using the term 'fainted'.

"What about Vala?" Sam asked, concern for her friend written all over her face.

"Vala is stable, for now. We're waiting to see if she's going to wake up, but we can't wait too much longer. If she doesn't wake up, we're going to do surgery ASAP. She's pretty banged up." Carolyn was about to continue when a nurse came up beside her and said something in hushed tones. The only thing Sam managed to catch was 'awake' and 'surgery'.

"I have to go, I'll keep you all informed." Carolyn said, hurrying away.

Daniel joined them as she left. "Hey, guys. Did she tell you anything about Vala? All anyone will tell me is, 'It's not for the '_faint_' of heart'." Daniel said, annoyance written all over his face, all the comments didn't help in the midst of his worry about Vala.

Cameron just shrugged, all of them were worried so they didn't really like to dwell on the subject of Vala, so they contented themselves with teasing Daniel. "I _faintly_ remember someone saying something about surgery." He said, unable to hide a small grin.

"I'm sure there is only a _faint_ hint of danger, DanielJackson." Teal'c said, a small smile that was unlike him was tugging at his lips. 50 years in confinement with his friends must have softened him up.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Daniel interrupted as he saw Sam open her mouth to add her own comment.

Sam shut her mouth and grinned.

"Anyways..." Daniel said, trying to change the subject.

There was a slight pause before Sam asked, "What are you going to say to her when you see her?"

Daniel, feeling slightly awkward about having this conversation in front of the whole team, replied, "I don't know. I'll probably just apologize for yelling at her the other day. We haven't exactly gotten to talk..."

"We've noticed." Cameron said.

"Indeed, it has been most obvious, DanielJackson." Teal'c responded.

"Are you sure she's going to accept your apology? Just like that?" Sam questioned, being a concerned friend.

"I don't see why there is any reason she shouldn't." Daniel replied.

"And that's it? No--" Sam said.

"Yes, that's it. Is there anything else!?" Daniel questioned, disbelieving of his friends who were well meaning but only seemed to be pestering him.

"You could think about telling her how you feel, Jackson." Mitchell commented.

"I do believe that would be the most efficient apology." Teal'c agreed.

"That's what I just said I'd do, I _feel_ sorry for what I said, so I'll tell her I _feel_ sorry. What else is there to say? Think it would help her forgive me if I mention 'fainting' ?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Daniel." A voice behind him said. One that he knew all too well.

"Jack?" He whirled around to see the a fore mentioned person with his arms folded.

"Don't sound so glad to see me, what's this I've been hearing from your friends about that thief girl that you're crazy about?" Jack asked with raised eyebrows.

"Girlfriend" Cam corrected.

"Really? That's great, Danny boy, now tell me when did this announcement--" Jack cut off by Daniel.

"There was no announcement!" Daniel said, thoroughly annoyed.

"So you didn't tell them? They just had to randomly find out on their own?" He said, waving his hands a bit in a hand motion that reminded Daniel of something Vala would inevitably do.

"No! There was nothing to _find out_! We're just good friends--I would never think of--There's never been-- What _is _this?!"

"We had to call in help." Sam said.

"Indeed, we could not proceed without ColonelO'Neill." Teal'c bowed his head slightly.

"What on _earth_ are you talking about?" Daniel asked, confused and irritated. Not that it wasn't good to see Jack, it was. But he was starting to catch on to what they were talking about, and he wasn't amused. At all.

"What?? Are you afraid you are going to faint if you tell her?" Jack questioned.

"Jack!" Daniel objected, his hands flying into the air in exasperation. "There is nothing to _tell_ her!"

"That's what they told me you'd say." Jack shrugged, and Daniel threw the others a glare.

"You're going to believe them?!" Daniel objected.

"Carter usually knows what she's talking about." Jack said, giving Daniel a 'I-love-to-drive-you-crazy-but-we're-still-friends-right?' sort of look. "Plus, Danny, it's a little amusing the way you blush when we talk about this girl."

"I-- we-- We are just friends! Granted, I may be a little--" Daniel began.

"Rude?" Jack cut him off.

"Jerky?" Cam questioned.

"No! Uneasy—I was going to say uneasy! Uneasy around her! Only because of all her... flirting! You know she does it, don't deny it!" Daniel interjected.

"It wouldn't make you uneasy if you didn't like it so much." Jack taunted him.

Daniel glared at him. "I _hate _it! I don't like that she does it; I just want to be her friend, okay? And none of you will let me do that!" He was lying to himself.

"Daniel!" Jack said. "Earth to Daniel! Yes, that's the planet we're on!"

He looked around at his teammates as if for the first time realizing that the only person he was denying any of his hidden feelings to was himself. Everyone else knew. "Okay, fine, there might be a slight.. Attraction..." He held up two fingers as if to signal how very slight it was.

But all his memories he was still confused about didn't help him convince himself it was slight. The others weren't fooled either.

"Slight? You think you two are constantly bickering because there's a 'slight' attraction?" Mitchell looked amused.

"Don't push it."

"She told you she loved you." Sam pointed out.

"We all know you too are like, what is it?'' Cam questioned

"Perfect for each other? You don't want to wonder if you missed out on each other, Daniel'' Sam imparted a word of advice on him.

"That's advice we could all follow." Daniel heard Jack mutter under his breath, but he pretended not to hear.

"Look, if you guys are done...You know, assaulting me, I think I'll go."

"I think not, Daniel." Jack said, stepping in front of him.

"It's been a good three _years _since she came here. You don't trust her by now?" Sam questioned.

"I don't understand why it's your concern." Daniel said, ready to leave and hoping Vala was awake. He wanted to see her before her surgery.

"Because we're the closest thing you're going to have to best friends." Jack said.

"Then be a friend and leave me alone." Daniel said.

"Daniel! You love this girl, so what's the deal? Why are you being a chicken about it?" Jack went on, ignoring his comment.

"You don't have any reason to tell me I love her! I don't-I don't love her! Stop trying to _make_ me love her! I couldn't ever love her...We're complete opposites...There's no way we could ever- ever be--Ever be..." He broke off, his mind fighting itself. Half of him was saying it was all a lie. That he couldn't live without her. The other half of him told him he was an idiot, that he could never love her.

"For someone who doesn't love her, you sure like to talk about loving her." Jack pointed out.

According to his mind, he did love her and that's what confused him. He didn't want to think about it. But memories of all the good times they had had together flashed through his memories and he didn't know what to think. By the time his mind cleared he only knew one thing. He was in love with a woman that he had tried so hard to stay away from. "I'm going to go talk to her. If she's awake," He added, as an afterthought.

Jack looked satisfied and backed off. The rest of the team members decided if he was rude to her again, they would intervene.

Daniel stepped away from them all and entered the infirmary. He reached her bed. Her eyes were open just a tiny bit and she seemed to be observing what was going on but not taking any initiative to talk to the people around her. He watched as she closed her eyes, most likely in pain. Just as he was about to reach her bed, the steady beeping of the heart monitor turned into one long and drawn out beep, a nurse rushed to the monitors and checked them all. "Doctor, code blue!" She said urgently, indicating that Dr. Lam needed to help them.

Dr. Lam approached, checked her vitals and the monitors then sighed, "Okay, I'm calling it." She looked at the clock. "Time of death 3:47."

"What?! What do you mean time of death? You have to _try_ to help her!" Daniel argued, he didn't know why they weren't trying.

"Daniel, she signed a DNR." Doctor Lam told him, sadly.

"What?! Why on earth would she do that?! Why-Why...I don't care about that! Okay? This is Vala! I need--We need her here! Try to help her or I'll grab that defibrillator and do it myself!"

Doctor Lam sighed and nodded,

Daniel stared in horror as she pulled out a defibrillator and hurried to Vala's side. "Charge 150!" She called, as she held the machine against Vala's chest. "Clear!" She called, as it sent an electric shock through her body.

Daniel grabbed Vala's hand, "Come on, Vala." He said quietly, fear filled his voice.

When there was no response, Doctor Lam called, "Charge 200! Clear!" Another shock.

No response.

**A/N: Reviews? Anyone? Thanks everyone for all the reviews we have gotten up to this point! We are probably enjoying writing this about as much as you are in reading this! =) Please review! **


	13. All This Time

**Disclaimer: We do not own Stargate.**

**Author's Note: Here is the penultimate (Next to last) chapter! Please Review! We're planning a sequel!**

**Chapter Thirteen, All This Time,**

"Charge 250!"

Daniel held in a breath as Dr. Lam pressed the paddles against Vala. His head seemed to squirm. He knew if her heart didn't start, Dr. Lam would call it. He knew he loved the woman lying there, so helpless. She had been in such bad condition when they found her. He had doubted she would be stable when they got back and he almost knew she would need to go into surgery, but he hadn't expected her heart to stop!

Then he heard the one noise, the only noise that would ease his worry. The heart monitor started beeping.

"Get her prepped for surgery." Dr. Lam told the nurse, relinquishing the defibrillator.

Daniel breathed a sigh of relief as the steady sound of her heart monitor continued it's loud and repeated beeping.

"Doctor Jackson, we're taking her to the operating room. You can see her when she's in recovery, but for now, you have to leave. I'm sorry." One of the nurses informed him, before she helped her fellow nurse prep Vala for surgery.

The last thing Daniel had wanted to do was let go of Vala's hand, but he knew it was necessary. He took a deep breath and stepped outside the infirmary, his eyes closed as he tried to keep his breathing normal. Making an attempt to calm himself.

"How'd it go? What did you tell her?" Jack asked, slapping Daniel on the shoulder in a friendly manner. The others were all staring at him.

He looked at them all for a moment, his mind trying to keep everything he was feeling together. "I didn't tell her anything, she--"

"What?! Daniel, why do we have to go through this again?!" Jack said, frustrated with him.

"No! Just let me finish what I was saying! I didn't say anything to her because she flat lined!" He hurried to explain.

"She-She _what_?" They all seemed to ask at the same time.

"She's fine...She will be, at least, I think so. They're taking her to surgery." Daniel looked distant, sad, afraid and confused.

"There's more, isn't there?" Sam asked, concerned.

"She signed a DNR." Daniel said, after a short pause.

"What? She--But I thought you said she flat lined? So how is she--" Sam started, Daniel explained quickly.

"I...Might have threatened to take the defibrillator from Dr. Lam myself unless she tried to help her." Daniel said. He didn't wait for them to say anything as he walked past them, intent on getting some time alone. "She'll be in surgery for a couple of hours," he called over his shoulder.

As soon as Daniel was safely in his office, he collapsed in a chair by his desk and buried his face in his hands. _Why did she sign that DNR?_ Daniel couldn't help but ask himself. That was the part out of the whole thing that had scared him the most. The fact that Vala had decided she didn't want to have any extraordinary measures to live? He couldn't help but feel that it was because of him. That it was his fault she'd signed that DNR.

He didn't want to wait the few hours she would be in surgery but he knew he had to and he would have no choice. However, his mind was whirling and on top of his worry for Vala, he felt the weight of 50 years worth of memories pulling on him. He paced back and forth trying not to dwell in the memories and attempting not to think about Vala's surgery.

Finally he decided to discuss the strange memories to Teal'c.

He found his friend Kelnoreaming in his room. He knocked on the door.

"You may enter." Came the calm, deep sound of Teal'c's voice. How was all this not affecting him?

"Hey." Daniel said, entering the room. "I just wondered..."

"I assume this is not for help on another translation, DanielJackson." Teal'c said, slowly rising for his friend.

"No, Earlier when I..." He rolled his eyes, "_Fainted_, it wasn't because of dehydration as much as wanted to blame it on that. I was remembering some odd things. I am pretty sure it was from our time on the Odyssey, but I can't be sure... I thought maybe you could help."

Daniel was confused when Teal'c looked only a little surprised. But maybe that was just Teal'c.

"This is not unheard of, DanielJackson." Teal'c said, after a short pause. "Although, SamanthaCarter did not anticipate you remembering."

"Huh?" Daniel asked, already confused.

"ValaMalDoran has been experiencing similar memories. She sent a letter back with me, when SamanthaCarter said it was a possible outcome, but I am afraid there was not one from you, since you did not seem likely to have such an occurrence."

"Vala...What?"

"I am afraid the things you have remembered are most accurate." Teal'c informed him.

"Wait, she... Oh she's been remembering when we were on the Odyssey this whole time?" Daniel questioned, stuffing his hands in his pockets and pacing back and fourth, feeling like such an idiot for pushing her away.

"Indeed, DanielJackson." Teal'c agreed.

"I'm such a jerk! Why didn't you tell me?" He asked Teal'c, he felt sick inside with guilt and fear. Guilt, at having treated her horribly. And fear, that he would never be able to make it up to her.

"It would have been unwise to do so." Teal'c said, his voice solemn.

Daniel stopped pacing and leaned against the wall. "She's never going to forgive me."

"I believe she will, it is whether or not you will be able to forgive yourself that is the question, DanielJackson."

He stopped and stared at his friend. He had so many questions he wanted to ask, but he decided that none of them were needed right now. "Well, thanks. She get's out of surgery in probably another hour. Then she'll be in recovery. I'll be there when she wakes up." He wasn't sure if he was talking to Teal'c or himself.

Teal'c bowed his head slightly.

Daniel headed for the door, "I don't know what I'm going to say, but everything will be fine." He tried to reassure himself, but failed epically at doing so.

The following hours were the longest hours of his entire life (or at least it seemed so. It was worse then trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve.) She had been brought out of surgery and was in recovery. He was allowed to sit next to her in recovery, waiting for her to wake up. At 7:39 that night she did.

He was clinging to her hand as if his life depended on it. "Vala?" He tried to keep his voice soft so he wouldn't startle her.

"...Daniel?" She asked weakly. He could see her glance down in surprise at her hand in his.

He tried not to notice that her heart monitor picked up a little bit at that.

"Hey," He said gently, moving a piece of hair out of her face.

She leaned forward, cringed at the effort and leaned back into her pillow. "What happened?" she questioned, her voice was weak.

"They took you into surgery. You've been here for a couple of hours. How are you doing?" He questioned.

"I think I've had better days. What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for the things I said the other day." He told her, honestly.

"Oh you are, are you?" She asked, not believing it.

Daniel's eyes shut tight when he heard her speak, cringing in pain at her words. Maybe he'd been right about her not forgiving him. "Yeah, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I shouldn't have...You were...I was..." He broke off, struggling to find words. "I'm sorry." Was all he could say.

"Daniel..." She sighed. "I'm not so much mad at you as I am hurt. I was being serious. I am capable of that. And to have you degrade me like that... Like you don't know me at all..." She trailed off, sighing. The amount of energy it took for her just to hold a conversation seemed like more than she used when she was fighting off aliens. Not that she had done a very good job of that recently.

He really was truly ashamed of himself. "I know..." He said softly, "I know, Vala, and I could never even tell you how sorry I am. I wish...I wish I could take all that back." He knew now was a good time to tell her how he felt, but he put it off. "Especially now that I know what you were going through?"

Vala looked startled, "Who-Who told you about that?!" She asked indignantly, though still weak, Daniel could see a frustrated look in her eyes. It almost made him smile, just to see her still being _her_. He loved _her._ Not in a memory. Not in another life. He loved her now. He knew he needed to tell her.

"Turns out that I remembered everything as well. Except now the rest of the team is cracking jokes about me fainting." He said.

The smile she gave him was well worth the attempted joke, even if it was a smile of pity.

After a pause Daniel said, "Vala..." His voice faltered just a little, "Why did you sign a DNR?"

Vala's eyes widened a little and then she looked down at her hands, suddenly interested in examining her nails. "It's not important." She mumbled.

He gently extended a hand to her chin, and tilting her head so she was looking at him again. "It is."

She looked up into his eyes. "I meant to tell her I changed my mind. I read this letter and I was okay. I had changed my mind. I suppose I didn't tell her in time." She smiled briefly, trying to console him. "If you remember too, then, do you remember about...?"

"All of it...You...Enya...Everything." His words caught in his throat as he thought about the memories he'd tried to block out. "Vala...I..."

"It's okay, Daniel. We were stuck on a ship, I know there weren't a lot of others around and you sort of had to learn to love me. It's okay." She said, her voice was sad but strong.

"I'm fine. Really." She assured him.

"No, that's not it, Vala. I have been so stupid. I've been trying to deny it for so long, I should have recognized how you weren't just flirting."

She smiled briefly, winking at him.

He just shook his head, smiling gently, as he leaned forward and kissed her.

But she pulled away, and turned her head so she wasn't looking at him.

He got out of his chair and took a step back, putting some distance between them so she wouldn't be uncomfortable, he felt hurt and confused. Hadn't she said she loved him? "I'm sorry--I--I didn't mean to--"

"Daniel," Vala said, she still sounded exhausted, but getting a little stronger. "It's not that I don't feel--It's not that I don't love--It's..." She broke off for a moment, before continuing. "I don't want those memories to make you love me. I don't want to be _that_ Vala. I want to be me. The uncontrollable, silly, _me_ that I am here, when I wasn't on that ship."

"I don't want to love her. I want to love you. I don't want you to live with him, then. I want you to live with me, now." He informed her, hoping she wouldn't reject him.

The grin that spread across her face immediately showed an almost back to normal Vala. "Well, then, darling," She said cheerfully. "Want to come over and try that again?"

**Author's Note: There's one more chapter after this! Please Review!**


	14. Home

**A/N: Hope you all have enjoyed this story! This is our last chapter so PLEASE review! =)**

Disclaimer: We do not own this.

Chapter Fourteen, Home

"So Jackson, was that so bad?" Cam asked as Daniel left the infirmary after being kicked out by one of the nurses who said she needed to sleep.

"It's not exactly like any of you gave me a choice. It was 'talk to Vala' or.... I'm not really sure what threats were there, but I am positive there were some." Daniel told him.

"You had better not say that, ever in front of Vala." Sam warned him. "How is she doing?"

"A lot better. Physically and emotionally, if you ask me." He said.

"I'm sure you'll get to talk more with her once she starts to feel better." Sam attempted making him feel better.

Daniel suppressed his grin, "If you're trying to cheer me up, Sam, don't worry, it's quite unnecessary. Now, where's Jack?"

"I think he was complaining about being hungry." Sam informed him with a half smile.

"Thanks." Daniel said, wandering down to the infirmary. Sure enough, Jack sat messing with his food.

Daniel sat down beside him cheerfully, but noticed his friend wasn't in the top spirits so he said, "Okay, your not eating, what's up?" He asked, worried. "If this is about Sam, could I give you the same advice you gave me? Turns out it works pretty well."

"Why do you immediately assume this is about Carter? Why should this be about Carter?" He muttered.

"You know, you aren't very good at trying to hide it." Daniel said, sitting down next to him.

"And what advice would you like to part onto me?" He asked his best friend.

"It's something Sam said. She said you don't want to live your life wondering if you missed out on each other." He said to him.

"You're saying I should talk to Carter." He stated simply.

Daniel nodded, "It worked for me, and if will probably work better for you because you haven't been a jerk to her"

Daniel nodded, "It worked for me, and if will probably work better for you because you haven't been a jerk to her."

"How close is she to 'Cam' ?" He said, putting the word Cam in quotation marks.

"Woah! Jack! Close! But not _that_ kind of close!" Daniel quickly assured his friend.

"You're sure?" He questioned.

"They're like brother and sister. They take care of each other but not like... Lets not get carried away." Daniel stated quickly.

Daniel wasn't exactly surprised to see Jack's look of relief. "Right. Not that I was worried or anything, I'm entirely secure."

"Sure you are."

Jack stood, "I'm going to go talk to her."

"Talking is good." Daniel commented.

"Yeah, see ya later, Daniel." He said walking away, his thoughts reoccupied and not on Daniel at all.

Daniel just smiled to himself. Seemed like everyone was sorting out there lives today.

The next day Daniel was allowed to see Vala again. He was eager to do so, and went into the infirmary first thing in the morning. "Hey, how do you feel?" He asked her cheerfully, when he entered the room.

"Worse. All the anesthetic is starting to wear off. I don't even want to know what my diagnosis was. I'm just good with knowing that I' doing much better than I was doing yesterday." She said. "However, for the first time in quite a while I was actually able to get some sleep." She told him, with a small smile.

"Good." He said, with a smile as he sat down next to her, taking her hand. "Dream about anything pleasant?" He asked, wanting to make conversation to distract her from her pain.

Brushing her bangs out of eyes she replied, "I was dreaming about when we were on the Odyssey." She said, not sure she wanted to get into that conversation but she didn't want to lie to him so she let the truth tumble out of her mouth hand waited for him to respond to her.

He paused for a moment, "We...We could get treatment for those, you know. We have that memory device..."

"But do we really want to forget?" She questioned, leaning back into her pillow wishing that she wasnt so sore.

"I don't know...Vala... Enya died and it...It's hard. And I just don't want the only thing drawing us together to be _that_." He said, "But I don't know that I want to forget, either."

For the first time, Vala let herself weep freely for the daughter she had lost in another life. He was the only one who understood her pain.

Daniel looked at her sadly and drew her into his arms, hugging her tightly as a couple tears escaped his own eyes. He kissed her forehead and held her close. "I know..." He said gently.

After her tears finally shut off she wiped her face and said, "Thanks. I think I needed that." She said, still slightly stuffed up from her cry.

He didn't let go of her, even after she'd stopped crying. "So what do you want to do? I want you hear with me, I don't want to live in what didn't happen. But I don't know if I want to forget. So it comes down to what _you_ want." He said, still hugging her.

"We can't forget. We can't forget her." Vala said not making an attempt to move from his arms. "We have to remember her."

He nodded, holding her gently, and said softly, "I know, okay...Just...Be _my_ Vala, okay? I don't want to live in that life. I want to live this one, we've still got a lot of it left. We can't live in the...Past?" He said, his voice gentle. "But I don't think I'd want to forget Enya again either." He agreed. "Now," He said, hesitatingly letting her go. "You need to rest, or the nurses will kill me." He smiled slightly.

"No, don't go!" She said, reaching for his hand. "Can't you just stay a little bit longer? I promise not to talk, I'll just sit here." She knew she wouldn't be loosing him, but she didn't want to let him go. Not yet.

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead, then took her hand and smiled. "I said I needed to let you rest, I didn't say I'd leave. I'll just sit here with you as long as you want, if you just promise to try and sleep some, okay?"

She nodded and rolled slightly over as to where she didn't hurt anything and closed her eyes, dropping into a peaceful sleep.

Three weeks later Vala was up and around. She wasn't allowed on active duty for a few more weeks, but she felt a lot better. Daniel hadn't wanted to leave to go back on active duty the following week after her surgery but she had urged him to go, assuring him she would be fine. He didn't leave until Carolyn herself reassured him that Vala would be fine.

Vala was incredibly bored around base, but she was happier then ever, knowing she had Daniel, and knowing she'd be going on missions with him again soon. She'd really never been happier, despite the boredom of being on the base, there was the hope of the future. That's what was important to her then. She'd never been the type to look to the future before, but now, for the first time in her life, she felt ready for it, because she knew she wouldn't face it alone.

Vala was curious to know what had happened between the two villages after she was rushed back to the base. She investigated and found out another team had been sent to clear things up. the war was over, though no apology was sent for what happened with Vala. Vala pushed away the mission report and sat back in her chair. She hoped the woman and her daughter, Enya, had survived the awful war. Maybe she would find out one day.

Soon she would be on active duty again, and she was looking forward to it. But in the meantime, she was the closest thing to content that Vala ever really got. She no longer had to worry whether or not she was really wanted. In the letter, she had been right.

For the first time, she was home.

**The End**

A/N: Please REVIEW! =) The end, we know it's sad. Sequel coming. =)


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